THIS IS MY FIRST TIME DOING THIS

Bear with me because this is going to be a pretty long post, but I need to know if I’m wrong in this situation.

I am a 22(F) and my husband is 23(M). We have been married for almost 3 years but have been together a total of 6 years. We are currently expecting our first child and I am 27 weeks pregnant. For this to be my first pregnancy, so much has gone on and not one bit has been peaceful. We are beyond blessed that our baby is healthy and growing just fine. It’s just the rest of this situation that makes this time difficult to enjoy. Anyway, at the beginning of my pregnancy, my husband and I were saving for our own place because we were living with my mother for a short amount out time.

Some things happened with my mother and office management with an apartment remodel and they were going to put an eviction on all of us if we didn’t leave willingly because of what went down between them and my mom. So my things had to go in a storage unit and my husband and I had to move in with his grandparents at the beginning of February this year. Which I love them and I am very thankful for them. My mother got to stay with this guy she’s been dating who is living with his daughter.

This has still been our reality months later. We still can’t find our own place because everything is expensive and literally nothing is available. I would also like to point out that my mother and her mother don’t have the best relationship because of who my mom is dating. When my mom put her things in a storage unit, her mother held on to her jewelry so it wasn’t misplaced.

A couple weeks after this, my mom and grandmother are talking about where my mom is going to live. My mom said that she would have to come up with about $2,000 for an apartment she was looking at, so my grandmother decided to tell her husband to go to the bank and take out a $2,000 loan for my mother. Keep in mind my mother didn’t ask for the money and didn’t know she was taking out a loan until after it was done. She even tried to keep my mother’s jewelry until the money was paid back even before my mother decided if she was going to take it.

In the end my mother decided not to take the money. Then my grandmother used some of the money for something that my mom needed even when my mom told her not to so either way my mom now owes her money that she never asked for. When I heard about all of I was confused on what my grandmother was doing because she usually doesn’t do things like this.

I (stupidly) offered to get the jewelry and take it to my mother when she wanted it back. When i went over there my grandmother tired to convince me that my mom asked upfront for $2,000 and was upset that she didn’t take it because she has to pay the loan back now. We kinda got into it because she started raising her voice at me and I wasn’t having it. So I took the jewelry and left in the middle of her talking. A couple weeks went by and I didn’t say one word to her. She ends up calling me not understanding why I haven’t talked to her, but I wasn’t going to bring it up again.

After that, everything was going fine until the planning of my baby shower. My sister offered to plan it for me and my husband so it would be a surprise. Luckily, my aunt and grandmother on my dad’s side found a venue and paid for it while my sister was doing the rest but I ended up jumping in recently.

This is the part that’s tricky and that makes me wonder if I’m in the wrong. I say this because my mom’s side of the family has a history of dementia and I think that is what’s happening to my grandmother but we aren’t sure yet. My grandmother has made the planning of my baby shower unbearable and it’s hard to be around her now because of what she’s doing. This is the beginning of my current frustration for her and leads up to why I’m making this post today.

The first day of planning, me and my sister met up at my grandmothers house to ONLY talk and make a list of everyone that’s invited. We didn’t have any of the addresses or anything but my grandmother was pressing us to get these invites done and sent out that same day. I was overwhelmed because there were some that are being sent by mail and others (on my husbands side) that he wanted to hand deliver. She was not listening to ANYTHING we were saying to her.

We were still waiting for the rest of the invitations we ordered to come in from amazon…so we were not prepared to do them all that day. But my sister felt pressured and started to fill out the ones by mail while we had to text and get a hold of a bunch of people for their address. Just to get a message AFTER the invitations were filled out, that the date of the baby shower had changed.

So now we have to order more invitations to make up for the ones that were now messed up. To say i was upset is an understatement and my grandmother shrugged it off like it wasn’t her problem. The next time we met up over there to actually start on the invitations i was already stressed and a bit annoyed because of how she was acting the last time. I ended up snapping at her because she said something (that I don’t even remember) and it made me upset. I didn’t yell either…i just used a stern tone of voice that she’s not used to hearing from me and went to the bathroom and cried. Came back and ignored me and my sister when we were talking to her.

After this she decided to call an intervention meeting for me and decided not to tell me because she thought i was depressed because i told her i was tired most of the time. Like I’m not growing a child and almost done with my second trimester while working. Then tired to tell my sister that I’m sensitive and that you have to pressure me for me to speak about how i’m feeling. It was crazy to me because she knows about my living situation. She knows that i have a lot on my shoulders especially just losing my grandfather christmas eve of last year. A month after find out that I was pregnant. I’m not depressed, I’m just bummed that things are going this way for my first pregnancy.

Anyway, I went a couple more days of not talking to her because at this point I needed distance from her. Today April 5th, 2025 is what topped the cake and completely did it for me. Me and my sister met up again today to finalize everything for the baby shower and to make sure the food and decorations were what I wanted. I’m not a person that loves people hugging or kissing me unless it’s my husband so when my grandmother tired to kiss my face I just wasn’t feeling it. I’m not a kid anymore that was forced to let people kiss me because I was told to. Then she says “are you gonna let me kiss my baby when she gets here?” i turned to her and calmly said that no one is kissing our baby when she gets here.

She threw out the fact that she is vaccinated for RSV and everything else and I told her it didn’t matter. We still don’t want people putting their lips and germs on our baby. She crosses her arms, walks to the kitchen, and starts crying. At this point I’m mad and I look at my sister and tell her that my mom was understanding about it and even agreed with me so I don’t understand what the problem is with setting a boundary for our child that my husband and I need to protect. She said something but I walked out of the house, got in my car and drove home.

Then I get a call from my mother. My sister had called my mom and told her that I slammed the door in her face and thought i was mad at her. Even said that my grandmother misunderstood what I said and that I misunderstood her response. Which doesn’t make ANY sense because my grandmother didn’t even respond…she just started crying. And i don’t understand how what I said was misunderstood because I was VERY clear about what I said. So I talked with my mom cause she just wanted to make sure i was ok and understood where my frustration was coming from because my grandmother always wanted control over my mother and can be overbearing and she has tried to do it with me and my sister.

For example, she forced my mom to get her tubes tired in her mid 20s after my mom had me and that’s just a sliver of what she’s done to my mother. I told my sister that i didn’t want to communicate with my grandmother till the baby shower if she was going to act like this every time i say something and she said something along the lines of she’s not going to tell her that because she doesn’t want to get in the middle of it and she doesn’t understand why there is so much tension between us. Like she hasn’t been there to see and hear EVERYTHING.

So to end this very long post, did I do anything wrong? Am I wrong for feeling the way I do about this? I’m just confused because I never spoke up about anything until I found out I was pregnant and now that I’m standing my ground it’s an issue. This change happened because I knew if I couldn’t stand up for myself, how was I going to stand up for my daughter. I just want to do what’s best for me and put myself and my child first🤷🏻‍♀️