Am I the asshole for not letting my mother see my son, to start I am sorry if this sucks my brain is on 100 and I’m not sure if it’s all gonna come out right so forgive me. So about my mom, I am the first born of 5 girls and before getting married and staying married around 2016? She was a single mother of 3, I have always been her “little helper” taking care of my sibling who had seizures and watching my siblings almost everyday while she worked her ASS off to make sure we have a roof over our head (I will always be grateful for that plz don’t get me wrong) we didn’t grow up with much and she always went out of her way to make sure we could do cool things which again I’ve always always appreciated.

When I was 13 she met her boyfriend who she is currently married to now, and things did change whether good or bad it definitely changed. We moved almost two hours away I started a new school and was getting bullied as one does lol and started getting depressed, and i feel like that’s where the disconnect kind of started. I used to frequent church on Wednesdays and Sundays, I stopped going (religious trauma) started the “it’s not a phase mom” phase. I’m doing my best to summarize my entire life so again I’m sorry..

So living at this new home I dealt with, mental and verbal abuse mostly by my mother and experienced/witnessed physical abuse and drug/alch abuse for the remainder of living, there, my mom was always sober maybe a drink on the weekends but always sober.

We then moved into town when I was about 15 and everything just got worse, shielding my siblings from fights, drugs, getting yelled at and chastised myself. The issue I had and have had with my mother is that she can never ever be wrong it wasn’t wrong when she yelled at me for standing up for everyone when my stepdad was raging and drunk, Shes not wrong for screaming at me when I tell her I don’t feel loved or supported when I started feeling suicidal, she’s not wrong for being blatantly racist and homophobic. When I tell you we could go HOURS scream arguing about anything under the sun because I am always wrong or “I don’t have the facts” or “I just don’t want to listen to the truth”.

After eventually doing this for 17 years and with a milllllion other things happening I decided to move in with my then boyfriend, my stuff was thrown out of her house and the cops were called when I left for “being a runaway”.

I went about my life living with an abusive partner for 5 years and her trying to pop back in every so often, I even ended up moving states at some point with zero support system, because if I did confine in my mother it always came with stipulations or any information I did give her could or would be used as ammo, as well as who was president, I absolutely could not speak to her about certain things so I continued to stay reserved.

Flash forward to leaving said partner and trying to reconnect with really anyone to feel normal I tried talking to my mom little by little. We would text about our day or talk about something cool we did but anything to do with religion, politics, the world in general that sorta thing was OFF the table. We have completely different views, the least I can say is I stand up for human rights and the right to choose. That alone created a huge rift between us because I’m so sorry but a MOTHER with 5 DAUGHTERS should absolutely care about our rights but I won’t go on about that.

Now 2023, I am 22 I meet a wonderfulll guy and later down the road we move in together and the rest is history <3 Mom is still creeping her way in, things are more tolerable but I really start to notice that she doesn’t respect me or my boundaries at all. if we did argue I was a “child” to her, and if I did try to say my opinion I was told I needed to shut up and just listen either by her or my step dad. She also would show me religious or political propaganda when I couldn’t be convinced by what she had to say.

Come 2024 I’m pregnant and have my baby, mom was VERY supportive during the pregnancy but once I had my baby the support dwindled significantly, she would come over and ask how to help me and instead of helping me with tidying up the house or helping me find some clarity, she always wanted my baby, but as a first time mom I wanted support and time with my baby not for her to take them away. And when we would argue at this time, she would tell me what my partner should and shouldn’t be doing for me, while simultaneously not helping any of us as new parents just giving “advice”. She would ask when she could babysit, I tried to reiterate that it would be a long time before I felt comfortable with anyone and that didn’t set right with her

During one particular argument, while holding my son in my home she looked at him mid conversation and said your “mommy is so mean to me”, so I snapped at her and asked her to never ever do that again. It really rubbed me the wrong way.

In March we all go to a mutual birthday party my mom held my baby so I could mingle a little. For context she asked me at least two times previously if I was going to dip my babies binky and anything so they could try different flavors. I have told her on both of those occasions one actually occurring the same of the party that we are waiting for the go ahead from his pediatrician and I wouldn’t do it until his father was there to make sure he feels comfortable as well beforehand. Not even 15 minutes later I’m being told directly from her that she dipped his Binky in a cup with Sprite and ice, She claimed she was doing it because he was upset and she wanted to put something cold in his mouth so she put it on the ice it’s not the sprite that’s the issue it’s the principal and I hope it makes sense. That really pissed me off and even after speaking to her about it she lacked empathy about the situation and gave me a half assed apology.

Then this month I went to take a walk around her community to see my siblings, i went into my mom’s house and after talking for a bit we got on the topic of gay rights. After it started getting heated my step dad told me that I’m not gonna talk about gay rights in their home and I said I’m leaving because it’s disgusting that they would say something like that and try to doctorate my siblings into thinking that’s okay to teach them to hate. My mom was supposed to give me a ride and told me she would take my baby home but not me because of how I was reacting, I said absolutely not, and started to walk home. While I am walking I noticed mosquitoes were out and definitely biting me and probably the baby so I stopped at the gas station to text my mom before my phone died to see if she was gonna give us a ride home or not before I kept walking. She “asked me why would I do that if you are just going to jump down my throat” at this point I’m really upset because I feel like regardless of the argument or what she said or what I said she should be able to look past her pride to make sure that we just get home safely. After about 20 minutes of back and forth I just decided to walk home. I texted her before my phone died and said that at this point if I don’t get a ride home just to make sure that me and your grandchild get home safe then I’m not sure if I want to keep talk to you anymore. Mind you this is a buildup of millions and millions of other things happening so many times I’ve been disrespected so many times my boundaries have crossed. She’s chalked up all of my feelings to “needing therapy” and “just having postpartum” I just feel like I’m crazy at this point. Now in April, she’s on a posting tirade about how I am alienating my child from a loving grandparent and I’m manipulating and abusing them so they don’t know that they are cared for and loved for by that grandparent. My child is five months old, let alone who does that? She’s telling every single family member she knows, she’s making repost on Facebook and TikTok about dealing with a narcissist, dealing with a manipulator, what to do when they gaslight you, estranged parents stuff like that. And now I have other people from my family trying to bash me as well about how dare I not let my mom not see my son, I told her if she can apologize and have a conversation and know why she’s sorry then we can start to rebuild and she can’t even do that..

After all my rambling, and the reason for this post all along, am I the asshole for not letting my mother see my son anymore? She has messaged me multiple times asking what she could possibly apologize for I tell her and it’s nothing but defensiveness and excuses so i blocked her. my grandma whose almost 80 calls me and tells me how terrible it is that my mom can’t see my son, I’m told that I can’t be alone with my siblings anymore because I might talk about gay rights (which I NEVER did or would ) it was literally just in the conversation that I was having with my mom and my siblings live in the house.

At this point I’ve blocked her and want to go no contact but each day I don’t talk to her the more she talks about me the more she tries to text me or get access into my life without taking accountability. It’s not like I don’t miss my mom and I do feel guilt but she’s not the person that I remember, it’s always been hard to come to her, it’s always been hard to confide in her and she’s the last person to ever make me feel supported. Please someone tell me if I’m crazy or not I really feel like I’m losing it

TLDR I believe my mom’s a narcissist, she’s crossed too many boundaries to forgive. Am I the asshole for not letting her see my son if she can’t apologize and respect me?