Alt account just in case

So, a couple of years ago me and my family were on vacation. Now, I’m allergic to a food which was very common in the place we were visiting (like, inescapable, it was in every restaurant). While I haven’t ever gone into full anaphylactic shock from it, I have had my face and lips massively swell up just from eating food which has come into contact with it, and my doctor told me that anaphylaxis was a possibility given the swelling.

Anyways, throughout the whole trip my parents were minimizing my allergy and concern. Like I would tell the waiter that I was allergic, and then my father would chime in with something along the lines of “he’s not that allergic, you don’t really have to worry about it”. Like for some reason either he didn’t believe me or thought I was being overly cautious about my concern? Either way, I had a minor allergic response at one of the places we ate at. It wasn’t that bad, I had minor swelling in my lips, but afterwards I became especially conscious about what I was eating and what was in their kitchen. So the next day when we were looking for lunch, I think my caution started to get on their nerves. Nice constant comments, just saying things which made me feel like I was ruining our trip for them. It felt especially hurtful because I have no fucking control over my allergies, it’s not like I wanted to be so cautious, but they kept making me feel like a dickhead for being concerned about it. It got to a boiling point eventually when we found somewhere for lunch, and my mom said something (it’s been a couple years, I don’t remember the exact comment) which ultimately broke whatever was holding me back and I snapped something along the lines of “fuck off, I didn’t choose to be allergic”. Well, my mother burst into tears, and stayed that way for the rest of the day. After back at the hotel she told me that I was being ungrateful, and she said that she had never said anything that upset me. Now, I don’t know about y’all, but unless you can read minds I don’t think you can possibly know how something you said may affect anybody, but I digress. She felt like I was out of line for telling her to fuck off, which sure, I totally understand, I didn’t have to say that. Yet from my perspective it felt like she was totally invalidating how I felt about it? Like there is no way she could have said or done anything wrong, and I just was being an asshole on our vacation for no reason?? This kinda upset me more, because she didn’t at all recognize that I may have been feeling hurt by her comments, and she completely turned it around into me being the bad guy. Well, I’m not the type to stew and hold grudges, so after a while I calmed myself down and tried to make peace. No need to stay mad, I still love my mother, and I want to enjoy our vacation. Although she was less willing to let it go, she calmed down a bit too, we had a conversation where she basically told me that she didn’t say anything hurtful to me, and that I had upset her with my comments. Fine. Whatever. As I said by this point I was kinda over it and wanted to enjoy our vacation but I could tell she was still angry about it afterwards.

Come to today, where we go out to a restaurant to eat dinner out together for the first time in a long while. I saw that the thing I was allergic to way on the menu, and I (with a bit of snark, I’ll admit) said “Am I allowed to ask them about my allergy?” Well this sent her. She got pissed that I would bring this up, saying “why would you bring this up again?” And was generally pretty upset about it. Not long after she seemed to get over it, so did I, and had a great dinner with the family. Well, as it turned out, she was not over it. As soon as we walked in through the door she started laying into me about how I shouldn’t have said that and that, once again, she never said anything that upset me. We argued for a bit, she was mad that I was “holding onto a grudge”, I countered saying that the only person who actually got mad about it was her, yada yada we argued until eventually I gave up and went to my room and she stormed off to hers.

So now here I am 30 minutes later. It’s always really bothered me how she basically insists that she “never said anything that upset me”, when, clearly, she did. I admit, I shouldn’t have brought it up again tonight, there was no reason to and at the end of the day it’s not actually that big a deal. Tbh, I didn’t even really think when I said it, nor did I have any idea that this was something that would set her off so much. So I guess what I’m wondering is, am I in the wrong for this situation getting to be where it is? From my perspective, it feels as though I was repeatedly given shit for something that I have zero control over, and then as soon as I snapped she turned it around on me being an asshole and made it all about herself. Once again, I’ll admit that when I snapped before and again tonight I was probably a bit of an asshole, but she makes it out like I’ve never had a legitimate grievance in the first place. So now I want y’all’s perspective on this, am I just being a dickhead for no reason or does it seem like I actually have a legitimate reason to be upset? I think an outsider’s perspective would probably be less biased than my own lol.