I'm really upset that my husband has scheduled his first big tattoo during my birthday week. I know it’s something he’s wanted for years but never felt he could justify financially or make the time for. So I understand why it’s important to him.

But I’m hurt because, for the six years we’ve been together, I’ve gone above and beyond for his birthdays. I’ve planned getaways, thrown parties and dinners, bought expensive gifts even when I couldn’t afford it I planned months in advance because I wanted to make him feel special. Meanwhile, when it comes to my birthday, he never plans anything or gets me anything thoughtful, even though I send him links throughout the year of things I’d actually like in a range of prices. The usual reason is that he didn’t plan or budget in time. But now suddenly, there’s money for a tattoo, during my birthday week, so I know this year for sure will probably feel disappointing too.

What’s even more upsetting is that after we got married in February 2024, I found out he’d slept with a friend of mine during his stag do. On top of that, a lot of other lies came to light. We separated for a month, and when we reconciled, it was under certain conditions. One of those was that he’d go to therapy to work through his issues, something he agreed to. But therapy costs $150 a session, so we had to budget carefully. In a whole year, he’s only gone twice. I’ve let it slide because of financial stress, even though it was a really important promise. It's really important to note here that this man is amazing, he's tried so hard to repair our relationship and learn to communicate and talk about the hard stuff. Our relationship is on an upward trajectory.

Another promise was that each year on our anniversary, I’d receive a new ring to add to my wedding set, something meaningful and symbolic for us. Our first anniversary passed in February, and I didn’t receive a ring because we were away and money was tight. I reminded him recently that it matters to me, but I also said I understood the financial situation. Now I find out that there is enough money but it’s going toward a personal tattoo, during my birthday week. It makes me feel like I’m constantly being asked to understand and wait and compromise, while the things that are important to me fall through the cracks. The promises made when we chose to rebuild our relationship, and the emotional energy I keep putting in none of it feels matched. I’m not upset about the tattoo itself. I’m upset about what it symbolizes: that his personal wants can be prioritized, while the things we agreed on, therapy, birthdays, our anniversary tradition, can be pushed aside with the excuse that “money’s tight.” Clearly, when something matters enough to him, the money is there. Just not for me.

Some other important notes here are :

• I haven't spoken to him about any of this yet.

• I'm the one that balances our family finances. He doesn't have a mind for budgeting or future planning. There is some money left over but it always come down to priority.

• My husband is a really good person, he's sweet and he's kind and he always does his best to make the humans around him happy. I love this man with all of my heart and soul. He just has issues thinking in terms of what 'the bigger picture' is sometimes and easily overlooks and doesn't think about things I do. I wholeheartedly believe that none of these actions are done with any malicious intent, I think that life is so fast paced it's sort of out of sight out of mind for him.

• I'm not asking for extravagance, I'm asking for follow through, balance, and the respect that comes with someone valuing our journey, our milestones, and our relationship terms as much as his own