One of my best friends and I live in different cities, but this past Sunday she was teaching her first yoga class, so I drove in to attend.

We live in a hot state, and since this was a heated yoga class, I wore yoga shorts paired with a long-sleeve jacket.

Honestly, it was pretty hot, but I have a large chest, and I didn’t want my breasts on display, so I kept the jacket fully zipped the whole time.

She made a comment about my shorts, but I brushed it off because other people were wearing shorts, and she was in tight leggings (and for context did recently get a BBL), so the comment felt a little odd.

After the class, once I got home, I texted my friend, but I didn’t hear from her until the following afternoon. When she finally texted me, she sent a really weird and contradictory message that made me feel uneasy and upset.

“I feel really bad for shaming you for wearing those shorts. Sometimes I feel like you wear some things out of insecurity, and I do the same thing too. But in the yoga studio, it just feels inappropriate. I'm not trying to show my butt or boobs off in the yoga studio, you know?

I just saw so many women and men who felt uncomfortable being around you or looking at you because your entire butt was just out. It looked kind of naked, and it made me uncomfortable too. I trust boyfriend, but I wasn’t comfortable with what you were wearing either, and it made me feel unsafe.

The yoga studio is a space where I don’t want people to be sexualized or to sexualize others. There were just a lot of people around. At a pole studio, I feel it would have been fine, or I don’t know. I know some of this is my problem entirely, but I also feel like sometimes you go above and beyond to show off your butt or your boobs. I think it’s just the intention that makes me uncomfortable.

You’re so beautiful, you're the most beautiful person I know, and I want you to wear whatever makes you feel good. I just also want you to love yourself too.”

Initially, I felt super embarrassed. Was my butt really hanging out? I panicked. I asked my husband about the outfit, and he said it was fine, that it looked appropriate for yoga and that nothing was hanging out. I also showed my outfit to another friend, and she agreed it was totally fine.

Both of them felt that she was body shaming me and were pretty upset about it, saying that it wasn't okay. My husband said it doesn’t sound inclusive if I can’t wear shorts to yoga without others sexualizing me and that's a them problem.

I do know people look at my body all the time, and honestly, that makes me dress more conservatively and modestly. I won’t wear certain things if they draw too much attention to specific body parts, so her assertion that I dress a certain way for attention felt bizarre and untrue. I'm married. I could care less about looking a certain way to other men. I love and adore mg husband.

I also noticed today on social media that several other women were wearing either sports bras, shorts, or leggings. All the men were shirtless. Even two of her other friends were in shorts.

My question is, I do feel really bad that she felt that way. That she had to stress and worry about her boyfriend around me (even though he's NOT like that at all). Or that she felt others in the studio were looking at me. But at the same time, I don't know what she wants from me.

Like, if we went on a beach vacation together, would I not be able to wear a swimsuit?

If we go out to dinner, can I not wear a pretty dress?

Is this my fault and if I am going to be around couples, should I ensure I am dressed a certain way?

I really am already pretty modest. I would say I am much more modest than her.

She's a big social media and festival person, often dressed nearly naked in front of thousands, and I would NEVER be caught in half the things she wears. It would make me so uncomfortable.

I don’t like being the center of attention. I literally eloped so I wouldn’t have others staring and fawning over me.

Does this seem like projection? Or do I seem like a “pick me” or attention-seeker and I am just not aware and need to pay more attention?

I’m a people pleaser and don’t like confrontation, so I just don’t know if I'm in the wrong for not considering how I look around other people’s significant others. Should I apologize?

I just feel so self conscious and my husband and other friend say I shouldn’t but idk if they’re just taking my side because they love me and so I just need to know was I the a-hole?