30 yo female here. My parter is always a bit strange (imo) about birthdays. It’s expected of me to put lots of effort in and spend a good amount of money. We both have ADHD and I have Autism. I’m not sure if that’s relevant or not but I’m just trying to paint a picture and maybe that’s a factor as to why this confuses me.

Growing up my parents made little to no effort for each others birthdays. I’m not saying that’s right as I do think it’s good to make some sort of effort to show how much someone means to you.

Last yeah my partner was annoyed as his gift hadn’t arrived on time so this year I was more prepared and spend around £200 on something he would really like but now he’s a bit annoyed because I didn’t take his birthday off work. I just feel like I can’t win and it seems silly because I just think, we’re adults, what does it matter if we take another different day off together for his birthday? It just seems silly to stress each other out about receiving gifts. He told me that he spend money on me and took me to see a comedian. He did and I very much appreciated that but why turn it into a competition. I dunno, I just feel like I can’t win and to me birthdays aren’t a huge deal that you should be stressing out over. Aita?