Hi, my GF & I have been going out 3 & a half years (living together under a year). We are genuinely brilliant together and totally head over heels, I really love the ground she walks on.

Unfortunately, a few years ago (6) her father passed away. Leaving her, her younger sister and mother. Thankfully though her father left a decent amount behind which has left each of them comfortable - not important, bar that it has left them a bit of touch with certain financial pressures etc (but also one they would trade in a heartbeat to have him back)

Our relationship is great except that my GF has a very hard time maintaining separation / distance from her family, to the extent that Christmas is closed off to just the 3 of them for 3 weeks every year, 2 / 3 holidays together a year. This is all fine, I encourage her to take these and to do them, but the problem is that when it comes time to spend time with my family (just parents who a good bit older than her mother) it constantly ends up being shorter / ends up with us arguing before / just falling through. On the other hand we could be up to her mother about 4 times as much for 3/4 days at a time and I've never had an issue with it.

Over the last year though I've had quite a bit of upheaval with work taken an extended redundancy, ending up in thoroughly toxic job and now landing my dream job which might involve some travel. My GF landed on me two weeks before we started that she's worried about my new job and her being left and that she may end up wanting to move home to her own city (2.5 hours away, another hour again to my parents). Now I do coach sport part time as well, and I can appreciate that I'm somewhat more busy than maybe a standard guy (40-50 hour work week with 10-15 hours coaching) but I can't shake that every major event in our relationship has been at her sole discretion (us moving in, holidays planned / based heavier to her family, what we do with her house - bought through inheritance). It feels that despite having made our current city my home and having landed a brilliant job, that I'm the asshole for not wanting to leave Dublin. It's put such a weight on before starting the job that I feel like this new job will ultimately lead to either moving to a city where my job isn't based and further away from my parents or us eventually breaking up.