I struggle greatly with the relationship of my in-laws enmeshed relationship with my brother and sister in-law.

Background

My brother in law had a promising career until around a decade ago when he lost his job due to a legal issue. They live in the same town as my in laws. At the time my SO and I were fairly new to dating and I had only met them a few times so I didn’t not understand all the family dynamics and history. Since the legal issue he has had a handful of jobs related to his industry but nothing that would align to the previous career trajectory. During the last decade both my SO and in laws have had children that are around the same age.

He has never been able to move past his legal trouble and has taken no accountability for any actions. As he has fallen deeper and deeper into this hole my in-laws and slowly taken accountability for each part of his life; career, marriage and fatherhood. I now realize that this enmeshment is much deeper than I ever could have imagined and started well before the legal issue mostly due to in laws sour marriage. The situation has involved almost to where my sister in law is married to my father in law and brother in law is married to mother in law. Not sexually but in time and accountability. My girlfriend simply doesn’t want to say anything because she knows nothing good will come from it. The other issue is that they have become completely financially dependent on my in laws.

We are both successful and don’t live in the same town but when we visit it feels like we are always the problem. It is to the point where any suggestion or even question about how they live is the potential for a meltdown however they are more than happy to criticize anyone else us included.

I have talked to my girlfriend about how unhealthy this is and given their age if they can’t seem up the level of support this whole thing will blow up.

AITAH for not supporting my girlfriend holistically? I feel like I am part of the enabling and know that they will come to us when it blows up and I don’t want anything to do with that.