Ok so here goes, drama dump. Do I (F29) get back with my ex (M32)?

So I had been with my ex for a little over 5 years. From the moment I met him I felt like I could be myself around him, we laughed a lot, had a great time, lots of adventures, dates, holidays, we fit into each others families, and everything seemed perfect. He was my safe space, the whole way through I would get exited whenever he’d call, text, and when I’d see him every day. I would even regularly just stare at him whilst sat on the sofa thinking to myself how much I loved him. He is gentle, he is kind, he is my best friend, he was my everything. We spent at least 6of7 days a week together. When covid hit he would cycle to me every day, we’d go out for dog walks, cycle rides, anything to spend his 1hour with me, before cycling back home for lockdown. I loved this guy.

About 2 years in we started to talk about moving out together. We both discussed how we both wanted it, and I was so happy. But then I started to hear it’s ‘not the right time’, followed by ‘I don’t want to p**s money up the wall’ once house prices continued to rise after covid. I understood, the economic uncertainty was scary, but that didn’t stop people around us moving house / on with their lives.

We had both secured really good jobs and earned the same amount of money, so money wasn’t the problem here. We split expenses 50/50, meals, food, everything. We were in the perfect position to buy a house in my head, both with good deposits, equal salaries, but he still always held back.

We went to countless house viewings, nothing was good enough. He would only be interested in houses that we could not afford, and then we’d put low-ball offers in and of course, they would never be accepted. It was draining, and soon enough it started to wear me down.

I kept thinking ‘the perfect one will come up soon, I just have to be patient. My family friends, colleagues would ask for house updates everyday, and I’d just say ‘not yet, we’ll keep looking’.. For 3 years this continued, the same cycle.

I told him I was fed up, told him I wanted the house, and wanted the marriage and kids, and he said he wanted the same things. So I stayed. 1 year later, no change, still no house, and still no effort.

Then my 12year old dog, my baby, literally the soul dog of all dreams, was seriously ill. She was a big part of my life and I have never loved anything as much as that dog. She was family. She was my shadow. She was my comfort.

I realised I didn’t see my boyfriend very much during the time I had to be at home looking after my dog (I would usually go to his)

After she died, I broke. I became irritable, snappy, needy.. I cried constantly. I continued to send him links to houses for us to view. I was acting crazy, not myself, and although I knew this, I could not snap out of it.

Not even 1 month after, he text me, saying he feels nervous buying a house with me as our ‘relationship is wobbly’ and he feels like he ‘needs to disspear into a hole for a bit’ and that things are very stressful for him.

He’d confirmed what I already knew. I was broke. I just Gave up. I said that I didn’t want to loose him, but knew that he was not happy. I then told him to ‘have the break he needs’, and left it at that.

We didn’t speak again for months. For me, it was over, I was in a bad place, I didn’t eat, sleep or socialise and I started to drink very heavily. Not a good time.

Somehow, I excelled at work during this period. I Finally started to see sense, and looked for a house on my own, within 3 months of breaking up, I found a cottage, and my offer was accepted. I had just bought a house, all on my own!

But now a Spanner in the works.. He messaged me. Declaring his love for me, telling me how stupid he was, saying he would do anything to have me back. Saying how hot I am, and how he hates thinking of me being with anyone else. I feel like I’m sinking back into the hole that I was in. I now feel so lost. I loved this guy. I suddenly feel like I need this guy again.

I agreed to meet him, and HIS FACE lit up like i'd never seen before, he was almost in tears, and took me for an amazing dinner. He has been his perfect version again, non-stop messaging, asking to see me, so involved, planning day trips, like nothing ever happened. I finally started the feel this darkness lift again..

I told him I had an offer accepted on a house, and he is upset. He doesn’t want me to go through with it. I have since had the mortgage accepted, solicitors paid, ball is rolling.. But now I am so torn…. HELP ME, what do I do??????

Do I get back with my ex?