Hi. I just really need to get this off my chest and understand how to look at this whole situation. I’m (F, 20+) and recently cut off contact with my ex — let’s call him R. Our story is kind of messy, but I’ll try to keep it short.

Just a couple weeks after we broke up, he started talking to other girls. And not just regular friends — younger girls, who (according to him) he was “just chatting with” and “didn’t think it meant anything.” Later he told me he regretted it, said he “didn’t know how to act,” and did it out of pain, family pressure, and just trying to distract himself.

He admitted he missed me and was struggling after we broke up. Even now, he gets uncomfortable when someone brings up guys who might be interested in me. There were times when he was incredibly kind and attentive — and I truly believed he was capable of something real. But his actions… they always ended up cancelling out the good. He’d say he didn’t want to be with anyone else, but then he’d turn around and text random girls or say dumb things about me just to get people off his back.

We recently had a real talk. He owned up to his mistakes and said he’s learned a lot. But I still don’t know — do people like this actually change? Or do they just say the right things when it benefits them? He didn’t seem like someone who doesn’t care. He genuinely seemed regretful, but he also didn’t deny that he was the one who ruined a lot of it.

I feel like he’s lost. Not a bad person deep down, but impulsive and emotionally immature.

So here’s my question: Do guys like this ever really change? Can someone who’s made the same careless mistakes again and again — even if they admit it and feel sorry — actually grow and not repeat it? Or is this just who they are?

If anyone’s been through something similar, I’d really appreciate your thoughts.