I got divorced ten years ago. It was due to my ex wife's emotional affairs, over the internet and other affairs I could not verify but had enough information to confirm in my mind. I stayed there for 4 years because of my kids.They were ten and twelve. After four years of no sex and being told, I was repulsive, I finally left, it took six months to pack and let her see I was leaving and all I wanted to hear was stay together for us, and I never did. Long story shorter, every holiday I still would get together with her for our kids. For the first six years, I sucked it up going intointo old house.Looking around at all my stuff and every time I would leave crying, as I would drive home. We have been doing the holiday thing for ten years now. She has a boyfriend of four years whom i've never met and do not intend to meet. Even after ten years, I still I i have feelings for her and it kills me to see her with someone else. Now we've had a death in the family and everybody's getting together. And they expect me to join and celebrate with him. The next day is Easter and they're having Easter dinner, which he is cooking and I am expected to attend. I do not want to attend and i'm fighting with my kids because i'm already dealing with the with the grief of the death and I don't need the stress of seeing this guy all day for two days. i've already been stressed enough as i've had my identity stolen this week and the death of my ex father in law. i have ms and stress is not good for my body. i'm sure next week.Some part of my body's going to act up.

Am I an asshole? Should I suck it up and go