When I was 13, I got pregnant by my boyfriend at the time. My parents reacted harshly, kicking me out of the house and sending me to live with my grandparents. They cut me off completely, I had brought “shame” to the family. Although they maintained contact with my grandparents to keep an “eye” on me, they never reached out to me directly. It hurt deeply, but I tried my best to move forward. As a single mother to my daughter, Vanessa, I relied on my grandparents for support until I turned 18, at which point they stopped providing financial help. Despite the challenges, Vanessa and I shared a close bond. She married my son-in-law at the age of 23, our relationship continued positively for a time, but I began to notice her pulling away.I recognize that I could be overbearing; I would often reach out to her multiple times a month, which she felt was excessive.

It became clear that she was distancing herself in favor of her in-laws, who were genuinely kind people, and I understood that.Some time later she started posting bullshit on her socials, making up horrible stories about me. She said I let my “boyfriends” SA her for years and would leave her with them. this is a complete LIE, I never dated men and always put her first, no my grandpa did not do anything to her and that I know. He is not a child predator in any way and I know he wouldn't do that, he never even interacted with my daughter and always avoided her ect. I confronted her about these lies and asked her why she would make up such horrible things, she replied with “ go fuck yourself” and started saying that i was always overbearing, i take full responsibility for that and apologized for it, I started getting harrased by people, there were posts made about me where people would write that I was a “rapist defender” ect. It was horrible, I lost my job ( which by the way is illegal, but I didn't fight it.)

In the end I ended up leaving our city because this was taking a toll on my mental health and I was genuinely scared. During this time my son in law told me that my daughter would probably come around and he told me that she had been talking a lot of shit about me during their courting days, provided proof and told me he was sorry and had no idea why she was acting like this. My daughter's, in law's also reached out and basically told me they heard what happened and were appalled by this, they couldn't force her to want me near her which I understood.

Fast forward two years, at the age of 38, I met my now-husband. I was upfront with him about my past and my relationship with Vanessa. During this time, Vanessa had cut me out of her life entirely in favor of her new family. Thanks to my husband’s support, I was able to reconnect with my parents, who had been distant for many years. While our relationship isn’t perfect🙄, it has improved over time. Fast forward to now, I now have two 16 year old twins, a 14 year old girl, a 10 year old boy and a 5 year old ( soon 6) girl. At this point I've been cut off from my daughter's life for 18 years and I have no desire to have her in my life again. I'm currently 54 and I realise now that I'm pretty old, I'm constantly terrified of dying and leaving my kids, especially since my youngest is 5.

My children are aware of their sister’s existence, but the older ones have made it clear they want nothing to do with her, viewing her as a “random woman” rather than family  who is old enough to be their mom. I have never once withheld any truths and told them the ENTIRE thing, admitted to being overbearing ect. Fast forward to now, Vanessa sent me a message through something called “hitta.se” that lets you find ANYONE in our country and asked to meet her siblings, I told her no and to leave them alone.. This woman drove 4 HOURS AND 41 MINUTES to “catch” my 16 year old kids at school. where she was reported by the principal after trying to find them. My kids were understandably embarrassed. My husband is considering sending her a message to warn her against coming near our children again, and I share his concern. The thought that she might approach my youngest daughter’s preschool terrifies me. Again, this is what I hate the most about my country. It's a safe place but in situations such as this, it's not.

I wrote this while I was tired, I'll answer any questions in the comments, Also I have not proof read this at all🤣.