I (28)F married to my husband (30) 7 years with 2 children(4y)(5m). At this point in our relationship I'm lucky to get sex once a week. I have high libido and he, idk since he watches porn. Are sex life is very VERY dull, sad, and just has no passion.

I'm over the arguments,crying,begging,comprimising for more sex because it never changes. It's always on his time and he initiates since whenever I've tried to its NEVER a good time, denied everytime so I just wait. I don't masterbate because porn doesn't do it for me anymore so I suffer in silence.

Whenever he does decide to want to have sex with me I'm having to do all the work and ride him and the rare time he does anything is the same position, side ways. He doesn't engage in foreplay, making out, oral, or fingering. I always give him oral whenever asked or just to get him started.

He goes in most times with little to no lubrication. He doesn't like lube because it feels different and it makes him go soft and hard to keep a hard on. So almost all times I have to grit my teeth and bear the discomfort of dry sex

Long story short, he came upstairs and did the good ole side ways... well he lasted 40 something seconds.... I'm not suprised but no matter how many times things like this or him stopping in the middle of it, telling me to hurry up, or just getting tired it never seizes to disappoint and piss me off and leave me unsatisfied.

I had made a face and stayed laying on the bed while he got up to clean up and he told me "be lucky I came" and " I gave you dick what are you complaining about?"

I don't know what to do, think, or say. I just internalize my frustration....I don't want to cheat but sometimes I think and understand why some people end up going down that road. I refuse to cry anymore over this issue because what the fuck do I look like crying and begging for the most lazy, dull, boring, passionless sex anyone could have?! Especially with a 5" penis. Am I really the asshole for feeling some kind of way.... am I asking to much am I just too much. Is this how all men are? As internally angry, frustrated, sad I am about having the have this sex life i always torture myself with it having to do with me?

P.s. I remember a conversation we had about how he is more energized and passionate with women he's hooked up with whenever we seperated and his explanation pretty much made me feel like the only way I'm going to get that kind of sex from him is if we're not together.

This conversation is burned in my mind.