My boyfriend and I have had a lot of boundary issues with his girl best friend when they were closer. She was an alcoholic and would call him every other day for a ride to the liquor store, or anywhere else and would vent and cry to him and my boyfriend would drop everything to do whatever she wanted while he didn’t drop everything for me when I was struggling and would go pick her up first before I needed help with something. I’m not threatened by her at all, she’s a mess both physically, mentally and emotionally but the lack of boundaries is what really frustrated me. My boyfriend would also do all these things for her and she’d start raging while drunk and saying he’s an a$$hole and how do I deal with him. There’s also been times where I’m waiting for him in bed to have s*x and she calls and he’ll be on the phone with her an hour or more while she’s ranting and venting. I just felt like second fiddle to her and that’s what was frustrating. She’s been through a lot so it felt like he was always trying to save her, but I’ve been through a lot too and he didn’t try to get me help when I went into psychosis and was 2 days away from dying.

What makes this situation more frustrating is I had a breakdown due to his cheating with a coworker and dming countless girls flirting with them where I didn’t eat or drink anything but alcohol for days and didn’t sleep due to my PTSD and I almost died. My friends were the ones to take me to the hospital and he didn’t even notice or maybe didn’t even care about my breakdown because he just kept screaming at me about how I didn’t trust him. While I was up for days struggling and eventually went into psychosis, became nonverbal and was 2 days away from dying when admitted into the emergency room and then was in a psych hospital for a month.

Fast forward to now. I’m coming back home to my boyfriend and my place after finding out my grandfather has cancer and visiting him in the hospital (he’s more like a father to me than grandfather). I’ve also been struggling to find a job im my field and thought a position I applied for was promising until I got the rejection. So I’ve been very anxious and depressed lately. So I get home and one of the first things I see is the friends’ childhood picture in his mom’s ashes dresser thing which was wide open, the friends’ picture in the center. I was feeling angry at the world and that just really set me off so I started losing it and crumpled up her picture (the picture is still visible and fine, there’s just a few lines on it) and put mine in her place and he started going off on me, saying she had a horrible childhood and it was in his old car that he cleaned out while getting his new car.

He keeps going off saying I’m a horrible person for crumpling her picture and he’s been going on about this situation for days. He’s ch*ked me multiple times when I say that nobody’s girlfriend would want a picture of their boyfriends overbearing girl best friend in their house and it doesn’t matter if she changed, that she still frustrates me and is an emblem of him prioritizing others before me and wanting to save everyone but me. He keeps saying I need to leave and that he’s gonna call the police because I’m a nutcase. When I bring up how she acted, he said well she’s not my girlfriend (this is a trend when I bring up any girl around him that has made uncomfortable or irritated with their behavior). It makes me feel like he’s defending them instead of me so I say exactly I’m your girlfriend, you should be prioritizing my feelings and he says that he does but it just doesn’t feel that way. AITAH?