Sorry in advance for the lengthiness. Please let me know if this belongs in a different sub. TW (abse mentioned): I (22F) sent this to my dad (50ishM) the second week of November last year and he didn’t respond. We had a call about 2 weeks before that where he asked me where it went wrong and why we don’t communicate often. He was disappointed that my perspective on our relationship isn’t “as close as it is” in his head. Is there a nicer way I could’ve said it? For reference, I had a traumatic and physically and emotionally abs1ve childhood. One marked by living in a state that didn’t really take the word of the child when CPS did get involved. Religious beliefs played a factor as well in my dad justifying. “Spare the rod spoil the child”. Although from my perspective, a lot of his actions were disproportionate to my behavior. Ex.: he broke a broom while hitting my backside because he incorrectly thought I broke a toilet seat. He slammed my head multiple times against the wall to the point my ear was bleeding and my hearing is still impacted because I snuck my iPod out of his office after being grounded for 5 months. I have siblings and although they experienced his violence, it wasn’t nearly to the extent or frequency I did. My stepmom was friends with my mom prior to her and my dad getting together and she was also physical with me along with manipulating storylines when talking to my dad. She would say or do something horrendous to me then flip it to my dad about how I’m alienating her and don’t see or respect her as a mother bc I didn’t tell her something personal etc etc. AITAH and potentially just being bitter and unforgiving???

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Please read when you have time and respond when you can. Thanks :)

As my birthday this year gets closer, I’ve been reflecting on what I want my life to look like, including changes I’d like to make and things I’d like to improve.

Naturally, I thought about our relationship, and I realize I’d like to be closer to you. I know these are sensitive topics, and I’m sharing them because I truly want us to have a healthier, closer relationship.

I know you were doing your best, and I appreciate the good moments we had. But there were also times when I felt more like an extension of you than my own person, or when our interactions came from a place of anger rather than guidance.

Some left more than just an emotional impact but dealing with current physical or health issues from those experiences. My hearing being impacted long term as an example from an altercation we had that ended in physical expression.

Those experiences left a deep impression, particularly since I struggled with depression from a young age. Only in the past two years have I found ways to move forward, and I want to make sure any efforts to improve our relationship support that progress.

I don’t expect the dynamic to change solely on my end, especially since it began when I was a child and didn’t have a say in it.

To build a closer relationship, I need to know that the hurt I felt is recognized. An understanding of the lasting impact it had on me is essential for me to feel supported in my healing. I’d also like us both to have the space to share our perspectives, respecting generational and cultural differences between us.

In order to move forward, I would need to know that the hurt I experienced then, which impacts me now in certain ways, is recognized.

I’m grateful to have the chance to work on these things with you, as I know many people aren’t so lucky. I’m writing this to organize my thoughts, but I’d love to have a call when you’re ready to discuss it further. I’m open to hearing your thoughts too when we talk, and I hope this can be a starting point for a more understanding relationship between us.