I am new to Reddit and this is my first post but I don’t know what else to do or where to go for unbiased advice. Sorry for how long this is my head is just a mess.

Backstory… Me (F26) and my ‘bf’ (M28) met on a dating app back in 2022. I wasn’t ever really looking for anything in particular, I was just going with the flow and if I met someone and it turned into a long time thing then great, if I met someone and they became a friend great etc etc. Anyway, we matched we spoke, he kept asking me out on a date and I was hesitant because of the term ‘date’. I had never been on one before even tho I had been in relationships and had dated people previously I just had never been taken out on a date. Eventually I agreed and we hit it off straight away. It lasted hrs longer than either of us thought it would because we just kept speaking and it was so easy. He even said how he had to stop himself from saying them words you should never say on a first date. I had never felt so safe and respected by someone before. Although I did still have my walls up for a while because of previous experiences with lads etc. He didn’t ever rush anything or make me feel uncomfortable or stupid about anything because he understood and respected that I had doubts of intentions due to past relationships. We both admitted fairly early on that we had personal issues but we both lived by the motto it is what it is. After a month of dating we made it official and got into a relationship. We went on a small camping trip together as part of the car club I am in (he doesn’t drive) and a week after that he met all of my family for the first time at a birthday party (he insisted he was up for it and wanted to come as it would be great to meet them because he knew that he loved me). It did go much quicker than I expected. (He does have adhd so is fast past and impulsive at times)

Fast forward and we have been together for just over a year at this point. Last 2/3 months of the relationship was not good. He had lost his job due to illness and it ment that he had no money, doesn’t drive etc so all he had to do was sit at in his flat (very small 1 bed). Every day he would apply for loads of jobs and hand out his cv but he was depressed and it was obvious. I tried to support him best I could but sometimes that would mean that it was at my expense mentally. I also suffered with depression mine caused by anxiety tho which has been the case all my life. Fast forward a bit and he could see that I was hurting. He ‘tried’ to split up with me because he wanted me to be happy and it was hurting him that he was the reason I was unhappy and that I deserved better. He told me that he loved me and he didn’t want to lose me but that I deserved better someone that can keep a job and afford to buy me flowers and take me on dates etc like what we used to do every weekend before he had lost his job. I said that I didn’t see why we had to brake up if that’s not what either of us really wanted to do because we loved each other. I said I would give him space but that we would get through it as it’s not his fault that there wasn’t any jobs that was going that he could actually get to relying on public transport. We did about 2 weeks apart back together for 3 weeks and then we did end up splitting up. It was hard for both of us neither of us wanted it but we knew we had to work on ourselves in order to be better together.

Didn’t see each other for about 3 weeks but still spoke everyday even if it was just saying good morning to each other and that’s it. After the 3 weeks we both missed each other so we started hanging out n speaking more regularly again. I at this point was having therapy, he was not as he was focusing on getting a job as he was now in a lot of debt. We agreed that we both wanted to get back together in the future have a family with each other but only when we were both better. That was the end goal.

It has now been almost 1 1/2 years and there has not been a day we haven’t spoken or said that we love each other. We were in a good place. We even got pregnant accidentally though we were going to keep it and then reality hit that although he had been working agency work it was not a steady income and he was still yet to do therapy and I still didn’t have enough to buy my own home so we decided it was best for our pregnancy not to continue and that broke both of us again. We got through it and things were looking up as this is now 7months later and he has a permanent job with a good income and he has just started therapy.

Through this whole time we have still been sleeping together but when people ask what are we our response was always ex’s/partner as we did not put the label of relationship on us until we were ready. We both said that we were single but just realisticly we wasn’t.

Last weekend I found out that he has been having sex with another girl for the past 2 years. Almost weekly according to the girl. (Who I don’t fully believe because she is in love with him and wants him herself) Even times where I had fallen asleep in his bed and he had left to go round hers without me knowing. 2 years does mean that he cheated on me when we were having some space apart (Ross and Rachel situation)

Through out all this time I had occasionally asked him if he had slept with anyone else and his response was always no.

I said I was done and started packing my things he was in floods of tears having panic attacks the lot. He said it ment nothing and he doesn’t know why he did it. He says that he loves me and that has never changed and that it has never once crossed his mind that he didn’t want me in his future etc. He said every time he did it he hated himself and regretted it instantly. I don’t get how you can regret something and yet keep doing it? And lie to me about it when I have asked him if there was anyone else. He said that’s because he knew he was doing wrong and that in his eyes he wasn’t lying to me because emotionally there has never been or ever will be anyone else that he wants a relationship/family with etc. that I was the only person he has ever loved and ever will love. The end goal for him never changed. He ended up messaging the girl and told her he wanted nothing to do with her he loved me and he knows that I hate him and doesn’t want to talk to him but he was going to fight for me. Then he blocked her on everything. He says that he knows I deserve better and he want to be and is going to be that person that treats me better. He is still doing therapy. He said he doesn’t know why he did it or why he risked losing the one person in he’s life that he can’t and doesn’t want to live without because he loves me. He has said that he understands that he can’t be closed off anymore and that no detail is too small or insignificant detail. He knows that he is the problem and that I make him want to be a better man. He has never cared about his future before meeting me because he never saw him having a future. He know that he has hurt me and he knows that I hate him rn but he “will never stop fighting for us and will never stop trying to re build your trust and respect” so far he is actually putting actions in place to try and prove that which is the first time ever…but it has been less than a week and he’s words are just empty promises that I have heard from him before.

He has said that I can’t hate him as much as he hates himself. That is the only thing I genuinely do believe.

What do I do?? Can men (or women) really have sex with someone every week-2 weeks for 2 years and not get feelings? Does he really love me and is finally going to step up and be the person that I deserve as all I have ever done is love him and support him and stuck by his side? How is it even after this I still have love and hope for our future together and hate him and want nothing no to do with him at the same time? Am I just being a complete idiot? If I were to hang around and only get back with him if he steps up (not just for a week or 2 or a couple of months as anyone can fake that) does that mean I don’t have any respect for myself?

The girl was in love with him I have seen her tell him that via text whilst he was messaging her in front of me saying that he wanted nothing to do with her etc.

Any advice as my head is full of contractions and I don’t know what to do.

Edit: he has not once raised his voice at me when I confronted him and he has never once tried to blame me in anyway, he takes full responsibility and even apologised to the other girl as well as me. He bares full blame in his eyes. In my eyes she knew about me she saw my stuff at his place. She knew I existed where as I didn’t know this girl even existed.