I (24F) live with a girl who used to be one of my closest friends. We weren’t always this distant. In fact, I genuinely admired her and was excited when we became roommates. Ironically, our friendship actually faded after we moved in together. But that’s not even the real issue.

The real problem? Her boyfriend. Let’s call him “J.” And let me tell you — J is every bit the walking red flag.

Back during lockdown, before I was super close with my roommate, a bunch of us went on a trip. She wasn’t there, but J came. One day, we were crammed into the backseat of a car — four of us, no space to move. At every bump, J kept brushing against my waist and inner thigh. It didn’t feel accidental at all. But I second-guessed myself and tried to forget it.

A couple of months later, I started dating my (now) boyfriend. We told our friends. And guess who pops into my DMs? J. Confessing he has feelings for me. While still in a relationship with my roommate.

I didn’t tell her. Not yet. I wasn’t sure how, as we weren't close. Fast forward 1.5 years — we’re back in college, and I honestly thought maybe he’d matured. He seemed more stable, and they'd been together for almost 4 years. When I switched rooms and became her roommate, I saw him more often — he visited our room a lot.

Then the red flags started piling up again. I heard from mutual friends that he was flirting with girls on his "boys’ nights outs". Still, I hesitated. I had no proof.

Until one day at the gym. He was working out next to me, and out of nowhere says, “I had such a great time during that trip… I still think about it.” I played it off: “Yeah, I did too.” Then he hits me with: “So… do you still remember what happened in that car ride?”

I froze. He knew. He remembered. He was testing me, trying to relive it — and it made my skin crawl.

Then came the final straw. One night, our group was drinking. My roommate wasn’t there. I saw J kiss another one of our friends on the face while she was clearly drunk. She didn’t even seem fully aware it happened.

That’s when I decided enough was enough. I told my roommate everything. No receipts. Just the truth. She was devastated and broke up with him. I gave her space, stayed lowkey, and let her process.

But within a few days… I saw them together again.

I asked her straight up — are you back with him? She said yes. That it was all “a misunderstanding.”

I said nothing more. What could I say? I’d already laid everything bare. Since then, our conversations have slowly died off. Now it’s been 7 months of living in the same room, sharing the same space, and not saying a single word to each other.

And the worst part? I really miss her. She was one of the few good friends I had. I lost her in the process of trying to protect her. And even though I know I did the right thing, it still hurts.

So… AITA?

Edit: The main reason I decided to tell my roommate everything about her boyfriend wasn’t just out of concern — it was because J had started spreading rumors that I kissed him, which absolutely never happened. A random girl came up to my boyfriend and told him I kissed J. He didn’t believe her, obviously, and told me everything. That’s when I knew I had to say something — I wasn’t going to let him lie about me.