Am I the asshole for wanting my father to either leave? Side notes: if this turns into a rant, I apologize.

I (31 F) live with my parents. When I divorced my husband in 2020, I had nowhere to go and was forced to move back in, even though I didn’t want to. Flashforward to six months ago, when my father started cheating on my mother with a scammer. As silly as it sounds, he 100% believes he is talking to the real Lainey Wilson. He has always been the biggest bully towards me, saying that my intelligence isn’t wanted, even though he’s the one who insisted that I get a degree so I wouldn’t have to work hard labor. I have a master’s degree, a bachelor’s, and almost 20 years’ experience in the media/tech industry. He throws it in my and my mother’s faces that we are educated, but he never finished high school. Last night, I finally hit a breaking point. In the last three of the six months, he has threatened us, threatening to leave, and baited my mother into a fight, and she takes it every time. He keeps telling us to count our days, we are on thin ice, and that he is done with both of us. My mother says that she is trying to hold it all together, but I can’t take it anymore. I finally called her on the B.S, and said that she needed to let things fall. That her using their 45 years of marriage as an excuse to explain away his behavior while he’s ignoring it completely. She has had to be everyone’s caretaker since she was five years old. It is time to take care of herself, stop catering to him. I’ve told her that if he wants to replace you with a computer, then kick him out. I’ve dealt with cheating before and can see the writing on the wall. She wants to wait until he decides to leave on his own. I continuously remind her that he won’t because he is manipulating her into giving in to his wants. Last night, my step-grandfather brought his car over, and he went out to see what the problem was. Mother started complaining that she wanted to have supper done and showers so she could rest. I told her to do it, and if it’s cold, he can heat the food back up. She refused, stating that it would start a fight and she was tired. An hour later, he finally comes in, and she starts dinner. Throughout dinner, he continued to text his “girlfriend,” letting his food get cold, and she continued to fuss at him. I told her to stop and let it be, but she continued. He snapped and said it’s hard to eat cold food when he doesn’t have his teeth in. Finally, after all was said and done, he sat down and started telling her all about his daily conversation on the phone. I recognized his ploy and started recording, so if something happened, we could have evidence. Mother took the bait. She got upset, and he started dragging me into the argument. I snapped and started calling him out on his B.S. and finally told him we are not the ones with dementia. That set him off. I have had enough of listening to him threaten, cheat, and lie, and if he kills me, then it will prove I was right. Mother sees it differently. She followed him around trying to diffuse the situation, so he didn’t do anything except go back to texting, then came to me upset, saying she didn’t want me giving away her plan. I convinced her to get power of attorney after saying he got a job in Nashville (He’s on disability) and needed money to get there. Ever since, she’s been trying to quietly move behind the scenes to keep things safe in case of a divorce. When she came to me last night, I unloaded and gave her a come-to-Jesus meeting, stating that she is not better off than her mother, who stayed in a bitter relationship because that was the proper thing to do. Enough is enough. What was going to happen when he decides to threaten my brother’s household, people at church, or even a random stranger?

 You might ask why I don’t move out if I’m so fed up. The truth is I can’t. Financially, my credit is horrible, and even though I have a master’s, I am a para working under my mother in a self-contained classroom, through a temp agency. I am grateful that I have steady work, but it’s not enough to leave and try and find an apartment. I am tired of the landmines, and I’m tired of being patient when everyone else gets to blow their top and things change.

 So am I the asshole for wanting my father to leave?