Hi! Okay so my husband and I were watching a show last night about a mom who exploits her young daughter and makes her into a huge YouTube influencer. Well, come to find out that her audience was largely grown men and her mom knew and was catering to these men by sending them her daughters underwear, etc. My husband makes a comment about how “see, sometimes men get a bad rep because they don’t want their daughters wearing certain things that are too revealing but really they’re just trying to help protect them from men like those guys who are perverts”. I was feeling a bit cynical at that point because it always pisses me off how much violence is perpetuated against women, and even sometimes by their own mothers but almost always made possible by the insatiable hunger of men to consume women/girls in some shape or form. So, I said, “yeah I mean they’re probably projecting because they know that’s the kind of stuff men or even themselves are thinking”. He got upset and said “wow, I always empathize with women’s issues and listen to you and support you when you vent to me about ways in which life is hard for women” and he stormed off. I told him I was sorry and that he just needs to understand I have a lot of pent of anger because of how hard it can be to feel safe as a woman and that sometimes men use the excuse of what women are wearing to justify that violence but I understand that’s not what he was doing here. I told him to just understand why I might have that reaction but that i was sorry for having upset him. Then he said he didn’t want to hear my explanation and that it was always him having to be empathetic with me. I got upset and doubled down and said “it’s just ironic you want me to feel sympathy for men when we just discovered that her audience was 92% male so I get it’s not all men but yeah, men are the problem, and it’s hard for me to feel bad for them especially when you consider how many are okay with locker room talk which is probably why they fear what might happen to their daughters”. We left it at that and went to bed (we sleep separately because we’re both extremely light sleepers and have found this is much better for our sleep health).

Then I get these texts late last night:

“Again….I show empathy for you about womens issues all the time. I get pretty much zero empathy from you on mens issues. And when i try to point out something where there are good men recognizing fucked up men and asking you to try to see it in a positive light, you make a shitty joke and double down on it” “It’s getting old. Super judgmental” “But if you wanna stay so biased against men that it affects our relationship then keep it up 👍🏽”

I want to have a conversation today but I have to be honest it’s hard for me to understand how this is a “men’s issue”. Is it really affecting men that much? Idk maybe a lot of men feel unjustly vilified because they get lumped in with the rest of them and I get that that’s hard but at the end of the day it’s women that end up needing protection of MEN from… OTHER MEN??? And men aren’t the issue? Idk I’m trying to be open minded and I know I have bias because it’s a topic I feel strongly about.

Please advise! I don’t want to drive a wedge between us and I’m not always good with my words. What would you do? And AITA?