I come from a small country in Europe. My mom doesn’t have a good financial situation, due to bad life choices. I studied hard and became a doctor and now I live abroad (still Europe) and I make better money -but I’m still not rich or something. My mom continued to live there, in a small single room flat, pretty bad neighborhood. For context, she was pretty abusive in my childhood, she always insulted me and slapped me for no good reason, she was hysterical for every little thing. But she wasn’t stingy, she fed me well, she dressed me, she shared with me the little money that she had. Later my parents split, I stayed with her for being both women, though she was mean to me and we argued all the time. The relationship was always very difficult with her. My father was not easy as a person either, but she didn’t make it better. But to me, dad was better, not like her. When I went to study medicine, that’s a 6 years hard study in my country and there’s no way you have any time to work or gain your own money. I didn’t have to pay the study because I had good grades, but I needed money for the rent- it was in a different city, food and expenses. In the first year she and my father payed 50-50%. Mid 2 year she lost her job and told me she can no longer help me financially, and if my father won’t pay the full amount I need, she would be willing to sell her 1 room flat and move with her mom to be able to pay for me this way. It was not needed because my father payed then for all of the expenses until the end.

Now, I wanted to buy for her a better apartment, with 2 rooms and in a better neighborhood. I couldn’t pay down so I took a credit for 10 years. But I also couldn’t afford a too big credit, so I did the best I could afford. And that is because, my husband doesn’t have a job rn, he’s still searching, but we don’t know when and what he’ll find, and we wanna have a baby. Actually, I want 3 kids, but at first there’ll be the first one, and when I’m in parental leave I will be paid just 1800€ /month, that’s the maximum you get in this country as a mom, no matter what salary you had, which is less than my normal salary, and I have to save money so that we have enough and survive the 3 of us when the baby comes, for a year, with this sum. And then I’ll work again, but soon I’ll want the second baby. So, I need to save money for this, and also to save for the rate I have to pay for her apartament, and to have money in advance for at least 1 year of paying her rate for the apartment, too. Also, I want to buy a big house for myself and my family, because now we still live in rent, I don’t have my own apartment or house. And we need 12-15% down payment and a house is expensive.

Although I have this situation, I still wanted to buy her an apartment, but like I said, I couldn’t afford a more expensive one, but it’s still a lot better than where she lived until now! Then we made this agreement: I help you buy an apartment, but then I need you to sell your small 1 room flat and give me the money from it, or give me 2/3 of that money, so that I pay back a part of the credit to the bank, so that it’s easier for me to pay back my credit. The apartment I bought values the double (2x) of her 1 room flat. She could’ve never afforded it alone and the bank doesn’t give her any money. Also, I wanted to buy this apartment in my name, just to be sure that she won’t make something dumb, like sell it. And in the end it will be mine anyway, because I don’t have any siblings. I’m never gonna live there anyway, I don’t live in that country anymore and I have no interest in moving back. She agreed to all of it and seemed happy, because she found an apartment she liked and in a neighborhood she always wanted to live. So we did all of that.

On the same day I signed the papers, she tells me she’s seen a nicer, better apartment with 3 rooms, and she could afford to buy it if she sells back the apartment I just bought her, together with her small 1 room flat. I laughed it off, I thought she’s not speaking seriously. The next day she calls me and insists on that apartment. I told her we agreed she has to give me (back) 2/3 of the money she gets from selling her 1 room flat, so I could return it to the bank and partly pay back the credit I took for her. She tells me why, I am being so selfish, because I don’t need to return it to the bank, I have enough money and I can afford all this without her giving me that money. I explained her all my future plans for my own and my family and how I don’t actually want to risk my own financial security like that and that no, I cannot afford this. Also there is now a war in Europe and if some men decide, there could be soon a war in the whole Europe and we have to be prepared for this too. She was not happy but said fine.

Next day she sends me threatening messages that she won’t move in to the new apartment and I could sell it back if I want, unless I agree she’ll give me back just a smaller sum, which she calculated it would be the monthly rate for that apartment for 1 year - the year I’ll be staying home with the baby, when I’ll have it. The rest I could afford, she has calculated it. This happened after we went for a visit to say goodbye to her, before leaving the country, and when speaking about the apartment I raised the tone, because it proved that she chose to buy it but there were some important information she didn’t look for concerning it. I had actually raised my voice because I was so tense, because we had just found out that my husband was having fertility issues, and having children was so important to me. I was devastated but I didn’t want to tell her, because she would’ve told me to divorce and she had intervened between me and my husband, she doesn’t like him anyway because he’s no doctor like me. Next day she sent me those messages and also told me she doesn’t want to do anything with me anymore, I’m not her child anymore, because I yelled at her for no reason and I am a psychopath and a bully. She reproached me everything she’s ever done for me, how she was willing to sell her flat for me - though it never happened, how we are mother and daughter same blood, and the rate do that apartment is not so high for me and still I am not willing to give it all to her and I am so selfish for wanting that money from her flat (2/3) back. I told her I am sorry for my reaction and explained her calmly that I was actually very upset because of a diferent reason that I prefer to keep private, and I took it out on her. She said she doesn’t believe me, I am gaslighting her because that’s what psychopaths do and I am one. She also reproached me that I bought the apartment in my name, because I want to have her in my hands and to control her, when I could have it bought it on her name. I told her I have no problem to have both names on it, after she sells hers and gives me the money, that way it will be really 50-50 paid of both of us and this would be totally fair. She then said she didn’t want to complicate like this. (For the record, she is not so financially responsible, she is impulsive and doesn’t think things through, example: her electricity bill didn’t come for 2 years because the company had some issues, so she didn’t pay, but also didn’t set the money aside in case it does eventually come and must be paid; which naturally happened, and she then had to pay for the entire 2 years now because she wants to move, and didn’t have any savings aside. Another reason I wanted it on my name and not hers.) She says I am an as… because I bought it on my name and because I don’t entirely pay for the bigger apartment she now suddenly wants. I told her maybe in a few years I will buy something bigger, but right now I can’t. I eventually convinced her to move there and to calm down and she finally accepted it, after more days of fighting back and forth. But I want to see if more people think like her, that I am selfish and a controlling psychopath. So, AITAH? (Sorry for the long post!)