His grandmother is sick, and has moved into my in-laws home. My MIL has a chronic health condition that goes through flares, worsened with stress, after the stress of her Mother moving in, I encouraged her a few times that she needed some well deserved respite, my family, although we have always helped each other out, we have always utilised respite services for elderly relatives for overnights.

Instead of moving her into temporary care to have respite, she asked if my husband (her son) and I would be willing to take care of the Grandmother for a night. Although concerned, due to the Grandmothers health needs, (bandage changes of open sores, alot of medication, she is also bed bound to her room and solely communicates by shouting my MIL’s name repeatedly. She is partially blind and seems to be partly deaf, she does not have any memory issues or Alzheimer’s. Her memory is very intact.

I said yes, because ultimately I felt really sorry for the whole family. My husband was absolutely against the idea from the get go. He does not like his grandmother, or any of his family very much, his relationship with his immediate family due to my encouragement has improved over the last few years.

My MIL mentioned a few dates in which we were legitimately busy, and then she asked for 3 days and 2 nights. I felt bad as I know she has been really struggling recently so I said yes. But I felt it was a bit cheeky to ask for 2, considering we also have our own family to navigate. My husband was not happy at all and said I was on my own if I agreed to it.

I work full time, remote, as well as going into the office 2 times a week and figured I’d be able to work from their home, it’s Easter holidays so my 2 Young children were off school and had some activities planned.

We arrived, I was briefly talked through the Grandmothers meal schedule and that was it and they left. No plan, no actual time frame, no knowledge of when nurses would arrive, no idea when they’d actually be back, nothing. There wasn’t actually room for the 4 of us to comfortably sleep either. My husband had come around to at least agreeing to move in their house with me (my MIL knew this) but he was absolutely against helping out at all, which I can’t blame him looking back now, he didn’t once go up and say hello to her once.

His Grandmother started off as polite, but after the first day she seemed to grow very tired of me.

She purposefully knocked things over, I think she threw a cup, she hid dirty puss ridden bandages and demanded I reuse them, and would chastise me for using tissues to grab them (I was not given gloves) at one point she screamed my name when I was on a zoom call for work, (I actually thought she was in real danger) but it was to demand to know where her cup of tea was that I hadn’t yet brought up; she muttered curses under her breath, and kept asking when her daughter would be back.

I’ve taken care of my own sick family before, cancer and dementia, and I’ve never known anyone behave this way. My MIL was mostly unavailable if I called or texted her. I had to wait in for nurses with no idea when they would arrive, I felt very trapped in that house and didn’t leave for 3 days.

My children were patient and thankfully were out the house for most of the days, at activities or with my husband.

I did my best to keep the home tidy, whilst working and taking care of the Grandmother.

When they arrived back my FIL commented on the house being messy. Which infuriated me. My MIL said thank you and gave me a small gift. She joked when will I be able to look after her mother again, I jokingly yet no joking at all, said I think I’m very busy over the next few months. She looked very hurt.

My husband stayed for some small talk and we left shortly after. I haven’t stopped crying since I’ve been home. I feel a bit used and I’m wondering if I am in the wrong for never wanting to help again.