My husband and I have been married for 18 years and together for 3 years before that. When we originally met we had a fairly active sex life and he knew that I considered that an important part of a healthy relationship. We got married and had our daughter pretty much right away. Things slowed down in the bedroom but I attributed that to the general craziness of life. Any time we did have sex, I was always the one who initiated. I got pregnant with our second child, a boy, 15 years ago and we haven't had sex since.

After I had our son, I tried to initiate things again and my husband finally disclosed to me that he'd hidden the fact that he had ED from the time we started dating. He'd been taking meds to perform but didn't want to anymore because of headaches and other side effects. I have to admit I was totally shocked and hurt that he lied, but I had 2 kids under 3 and a partner that was good in other ways outside of bed.

Years have now passed and I feel like I've given up a major part of my identity and confidence when I gave up that part of myself. I've tried to reopen the conversation multiple times throughout the years, but he's always deflected or shut it down. Now I've raised the idea with him or staying together as partners and parents, but opening up our marriage so I can see if I can find and reclaim the sexual side of who I am. To be transparent, we originally met on a kink site, so he knew this was important to me all along.

I'm struggling because I've been feeling stifled and subtly depressed for years because I miss that part of myself and feel like I'm not sexy or good enough for him to try to solve this. if we can't align on this I'm considering separation. AITA?