This probably is somewhat of the usual topics, but I don't know here else to post this.

I am probably delusional and crazy, but here it goes. So me 23F and 23M (lets call him A) met last fall through our mutual friend also 23M (lets call him B) during 3-4 day trip to B's family's little cottage. There were 6 more people all together.

A and I hit it of quite quickly, we played games and we talked a lot. He also started to fallow me while we were there, not creepyly but just like the way when you want to spend time with someone. So he seemed like he was interested in me in some way. At first I didn't think anything of it becase I wasn't looking for anything new because last summer was a mess, well the whole last year was a mess.

We talked about relationship stuff and he did tell me that he didn't want a relationship, so based on that I didn't start to build any images and hopes for anything happening beyond something quick and fun. Then when we were both drunk we flirted a lot and he drunkenly asked if he could sleep next to me, I thought he was flirtily joking and I played along and said sure, but he never came to sleep next to me.

Later on it turns out we both actually wanted to sleep next to each other. He didn't remember he asked me that when he was drunk and I thought he was joking. So I quess it was a missed opportunity. Before you start to comment that he wanted to sleep with me not next to me, the cottage was basicly just a one big room, I slept on a bunk bed on the bottom and top bed was reserved for another friend there, A was sleeping on the sofa next to the bunk beds. There was another bed too and also taken. So there were two people beside us sleeping in that same room so nothing like that was ever going to happen there. There was another smaler building, but B and his girlfriend slept there.

After the trip we stayed connected (long distance) and talked everyday on snapchat or discord and played a lot of games together or watched youtube videos. He was the person who initiated most of our hangouts at first. We got to know each other lot better and we have quite similar views on stuff even tho we are from two complitely different backrounds. We've both been hurt in the past relationships/situationships or have other trauma, so we both have some baggage to work through. So about a month in I traveled to meet him and stayed there for a week. During that visit I met his friend group, both of his parents and his grandparents. None other than meeting with his friends was planned. So I was quite confused how should I act when I met his parents and grandparents specially because we weren't in a relationship.

He was unemployed during this time when we met but when I was visiting him for the first time he got a call back from a job interview and got a job. After his job started, not inmedietly, but at some point he stopped sending good morning texts. And vibe was just off after that and he seemed distant. He told he was just tired from work and didn't remember to say good morning. I want to believe him, but it doesn't take more than 2 seconds to send a good morning text, so thats why I have my doubts. We also had made future plans for the summer too and well he started to backtrack on the plans. Nothing was planned for sertain but still, it stung.

We did meet each other two more times, he came to visit me and I went to visit him. But I could sense that something was off. When I started to hang out with him I didn't intend to start liking him, I was in the mindset of well lets have some fun and when it is not fun anymore I will simply just end it then. But then suddenly there was future plans and serious stuff and some point I started to like him a lot, even tho the whole time I knew he didn't want a relationship and we had talked about it many times after the cottage trip. Last time I visited him I did confesse I had feelings for him, but I was a complete mess, even tho he told me he had some feeling for me too, but I couldn't shake the feeling that there was something off.

At this point the whole thing felt like a relationship even tho it wasn't. So on January I sent very long text explaining my feelings and I couldn't stay in a situationship anymore, I knew that relationship was off the table because he doesn't want to be in any relationship and told that I'd rather be friends instead. He was very understanding and I think he was somewhat sad about everything ending. He tends to shrug everything unpleasant off and he doesn't really handle things through.

We have been on a very minimul contact after that, we have played some videogames together as friends but we haven't really talked that much. I have been handling and processing everything and learned a lot about myself and still am. I thought that I was getting over him, but I guess there was still somethings hanging.

He has reasently, like few weeks ago, contacted me and we started to talk more again, and the vibe was back to that when we first started to talk, he didn't feel distant anymore. Tho he sent a little out of pocket text to me, I corrected him and he apologised for it. We have had a few deeper conversations since then and I got answers to few questions I had wanted to ask him for a really long while but never got the chance or was too shy to ask him before. And the answers confirmed that he hadn't thought about relationship stuff at all even tho he said he would after I ended the situationship. Back then he mainly told that he would try and figure out what he wants from life and from relationship stuff in general. So I already knew beforehand that he hadn't propably handeled any of his past nor figured out what he wants from his life and his answers confirmed my suspicion.

I have have waited for him to contact me when he is ready, secretly hoping maybe he wants something more, but talking to him he seemingly hasn't delt with anything at all. I know what I want from my partner and from a relationship, and I know that I need a person who is willing to handle their own stuff, do some healing work and work on themselves. I am simply disappointed that at least right now he isn't doing that work on himself, but that is just my projected expectation on him, so really I am just disappointed I myself for expecting something he never signed up for.

In the past I have had limerance issues and I am clear example of anxious attachment style, I have been working on those issues, but I am so scared that I haven't gotten through the limerance issues and there was nothing between us after all. Because of both of those things I am very sensitive to sensing distant behaviour even if it's nothing, plus on top of that I have learned some signs from past experiences but I am so terrified I have misunderstood everything in every possible way. I need very direct and straight forward communication, but he hasn't really communicated anything to me about what he has been thinking.

All I really hoped was that he would finaly communicate something to me but it was all just very everyday stuff or just "I don't know"s, so I just gave up. And yesterday I decided that I should stop being friends with him, because I just can't be because of the past and me still having feelings for him, and wnt through with it. We talked on the phone about it and agai he was very understanding. I usually think things trough many times untill I am 100% sure but every decision thus far has felt completely wrong. On the other hand I finally have a backbone and know my worth but on the other hand I am terrified if have completely ruined everything. What if he actually has some feeling for me and wanted something serious. Maybe I should have just waited a little longer and watched what was going to happen, but it doesn't remove the fact that he hasn't communicated anything to me. I have told him multiple different occasions about what is going on inside my brain but he hasn't done the same. I know he has lot more severe trauma and trust issues stemming from past relationships so I understand why things are the way they are. He is not a bad person, and has been otherwise been so sweet and kind. But also he doesn't communicate anything.

I am so confused, sad, angry at myself, my actions and this whole situation, but at the same time I am proud of myself for trying to move on and not accepting this situation that does not serve me and I still don't know how the fuck to feel about any of this. I am proud of myself for not repeating the same cycle, but also terrified if I am unknowingly repeating the old cycle still. I really liked him a lot, like a lot a lot, but I am not forcing anybody to be in a relationship when they don't even want a relationship. And I also can't pretend that its ok for me to be just friends, and it wouldn't be right for him either if I kept pretending. But everything just feel so wrong, quiting all contact with him feels so wrong. I am overthinking for sure, but am I delusional, immaturite, crazy and overreacting about everything? Is my limerace issues still going on?