I am so sick and tired of people. They show me multiple reasons why I'm not good enough at atleast talk behind my back and act like an angel to my face. I don't like it when people tell me what do, it just makes me feel unrealiable and hopeless. I guess it started when I was still in highschool. I realised that people do not like me much including my own family members. I felt like a burden and I can't help but feel almost everyday. Few days ago I had a fight with my mother. She went somewhere with my parents for her treatment because she is sick. I don't live with my parents even before highschool. But It's not like I completely abandon them. I go home when I feel like it but then again my situation with them was on and off. I live with my aunt. That day my mother was ranting about that the kitchen floor wasn't clean. She asked the maid about it earlier before I even woke up. She told my mother that nothing can be done I don't know what else she had said to her. My mother told me about it when I was having breakfast and I said to her that my siblings doesn't listen and enter the kitchen without taking off their sandals. Then she told me that my aunt ( not the one that I am living with) called her and said that I didn't care at all what was being fed to my siblings and that I was not telling the maid to cook well. She further told her that the maid will get lazy if I tell her to cook simple dishes and would sooner or later use it as an advantage to slack off. I got angry and told her that since I don't know much about cooking I simply depended on the maid that she can cook whatever she wants even a simple dish because my siblings are so picky they don't even eat vegetables. They are so unpredictable. I haven't been feeling well since the last time my aunt visited and was judging what I cooked ( once or twice I cooked it was tomato with eggs it was pretty a decent dish and not bad at all) I told my aunt that it wasn't bad and rather tasty. She said that the reason why my siblings weren't eating well was because I wasn't making a proper dish. I felt so bad about myself, I felt unrealible compared to other people my age. Since I have a very low self esteem it got pretty bad. I yelled at my mother because she wasn't even trying to understand me, she never tried. I got up and started to cry I threw away the breakfast and told her that I won't be there if they need me. My father got angry at my mother ( He is not a hero in my story I also suffered because of him but this time I was surprised he took my side). He yelled at her for putting pressure on me. I left home. Maybe when things feel a little lighter I won't put a wall like this again but for now I am at peace.