I apologize for how long this is to begin with but please read the whole thing and know that this is just some of many things that are making me feel this way.

My boyfriend of 4 years wants to get engaged but I'm not sure on what to do. A year and a half ago I wouldn't be questioning it but now I'm unsure.I've always wanted to get married but idk anymore if he's the one I want to get married to. I feel like no matter if I say yes or no that I could be making a mistake and I'll regret it. Most days I feel like I love him and some where I'm grossed out by him and I understand that sounds horrible and I feel terrible about it. I love him but idk if I'm in love with him anymore. I understand that every relationship has its ups and downs and hard times. Our relationship hasn't been perfect.

Most of the time he dosent clean up after himself dosent help clean the house or take care of the animals and just has completely let go of himself. He's also very insecure about himself for example when I do eat healthy and work out he turns it into an argument saying that I'm doing this to impress other guys when I'm doing it for myself. Every day he's like a different person sometimes he's mean and hot headed and others he treats me amazingly.

His mother is also very involved in our relationship and has crossed many boundaries and he agrees that she does overstep but doesn't do much about it because he feels bad that she raised him and his siblings. We have lived together for the past 3 years and a year and a half ago bought a house after we found out I was pregnant because we didn't want to raise a baby in a apartment. I had a miscarriage and it was too late to back out as we had already closed on the house. After the misscarriage our relationship went extremely downhill and it was just never the same after that. This is just one of many things that has happened to strain our relationship.

Within our first 6 months of our relationship I had found out that he had been unfaithful (on 3 separate occasions) and I know I should have broken up with him then but I was just in a bad place at the time and forgave him. Looking back I wish I didnt. I know that if I'm feeling this way then I shouldn't but even if I said no I'm financially tied to him. We can't sell the house at this time and I don't make enough right now to live on my own as I'm also in college and can't get a full time job with my class hours. We also have 4 dogs and no apartment in my town will allow me to have them.

I've tried talking about this with my mom but my parents love him and sometimes make me feel like I'm obligated to because of how long we've been together and that we have a house together. Everyone has also been constanly asking us when we're gonna get married and I just feel pressured to. I'm just unsure that I'd be making the right choice whether i say yes or no.