I (33F) never thought I’d be the kind of person to write something like this, but here we are. I’ve been married to my husband (35M) for six years. We’ve had our ups and downs like any couple, but nothing out of the ordinary—until about two months ago when everything blew up.

My best friend, Jake (34M), and I have been close since we were 21. We met in college, clicked instantly, and have stayed tight through everything—relationships, breakups, new jobs, bad apartments, the whole ride. He’s always been my rock. My husband used to be cool with our friendship, but over time he started getting a little… uncomfortable. I chalked it up to insecurity and always reassured him there was nothing between us.

That was true—until it wasn’t.

It happened after a rough patch between me and my husband. We’d been arguing constantly, mostly about small things that kept building up. One night I got into a huge fight with him about something stupid (I honestly don’t even remember what it was now), and I stormed out. Ended up at Jake’s place. We were drinking, venting, laughing too loud, trying to act like everything was normal.

Then something shifted. He touched my hand. I didn’t pull away. One thing led to another, and… yeah. I pounded my boy best friend. Twelve years of friendship turned into one night of crossing the line we always swore we never would.

The worst part? It wasn’t just sex. It was emotional. It felt too natural, too easy, too right. And I hated that I felt that way.

I came clean to my husband a week later. Guilt was eating me alive, and I couldn’t lie to his face anymore. He looked at me like I was a stranger. Didn’t yell, didn’t cry. Just… cold. He said, “So it finally happened,” like he’d been expecting it. I begged, pleaded, offered therapy, anything. But he was done. He packed a bag and moved into a hotel. Now he’s officially filed for divorce.

I don’t even know what I’m feeling anymore. Regret, shame, loss, confusion. I don’t even know where I stand with Jake right now. We haven’t talked about what happened since that night. I don’t know if I ruined my marriage for a fling, or if it was something more and I’m just too deep in the guilt spiral to see straight.

Reddit, I don’t expect forgiveness. I don’t even expect sympathy. I just needed to get this off my chest. I f***ed up. Bad.