Forgive me if I’m all over the place, but I’m still in shock, and kind of need a place to vent while I sort everything out. Even though we’ve been together for 1 year, my gf Laura insists that we wait until we are married to be physical, and I respect that. We haven’t even made out, just short kisses on the lips. We met at a church event that brings multiple different local churches together, since she’s a member of another church. I had only 1 gf before Laura, from when I was 15 until 19. Instead of going to college, we had decided to both get full time jobs, and had moved in together when we were 18. One day I decided to surprise her by picking her up from her job, and while waiting in the parking lot, I saw her kissing one of her co-workers at the entrance before they both went back inside. After the shock wore off, I drove to my parents house. I never spoke to her again. I gave my dad my key, and he took care of everything like talking to our landlord to get me out of the lease, and packing my stuff.

While living at home I got back into going to church with my parents, who both work at our church, which is how I was at the event where I met Laura, after 4 years of being single. Last week my dad got me a job at a construction company owned by a member of one of the other churches about an hour away from our church, who’s also going to rent me one of his studio apartments in the area for cheap. I started moving the first of my things in yesterday. Laura’s in school, and her campus is in between the area we live now, and where the new apt is, which is a 30 minute drive either way.

Next week is her birthday, and I saved up and bought a ring so I could propose to her at her birthday dinner, and tell her about our new place to live. Her and her bff Anna, who has been her bff since pre-school, are always together. So, yesterday when I went to Laura’s parents house (she still lives at home) and her mom told me she was in the basement with Anna making plans for her birthday dinner, I didn’t think I would see the two of them kissing. And not just the pecking we do, they were REALLY going at it. They didn’t see me at the top of the stairs, so when I could finally make myself move, I turned and left the house. I just started driving and ended up at my new place, an hour away. And now I’m going back and forth between anger and sadness while I’m typing on my phone.

I don’t know what to do. I can’t tell anyone because that would be accusing Laura of being gay, and who would believe me? Even I don’t know what to believe, and I saw it. I don’t want to confront her. I don’t want to make waves in the church community. I don’t want to see her again. And I don’t know why this keeps happening to me. She doesn’t know about my new apt, so I could just stay gone. WIBTA if I just stayed here and disappeared?