There’s a lot of backstory with our relationship. Also: I added this after typing this entire thing out. I think i might have stockholm syndrome?

Today my boyfriend (32m) and I (26f) might’ve finally gotten into our last fight.

we’ve been together for 4 years. we have an epileptic dog that’s probably helped keep us together for this long. he’s cheated - a lot. from the beginning of our relationship and probably at least once a year he does it in some form. We “break up”, but sometimes I’m not fully aware of our relationship status? sometimes he just decides I’m his girlfriend again but it’s not a great situation for me. i know, I know. why do I stay? eh. the first 2 years of our relationship was extremely rocky. I was on drugs/drunk, he was severely drunk, he’d do something shitty then i’d do something batshit crazy then we’d go in a circle. he hasn’t held a real job for a few years so he’s was pretty financially dependent on me for extended periods of time. i went to rehab finally after one particularly bad night/fight between us, got out, went to sober living for 3 months, then moved back in with him. guess what he was doing? still drinking. a lot. so the first 6 months of my sobriety was pretty fucking awful and we fought a lot. then he cheated, again lol.

i gave him an ultimatum and it seemed to help. we got better. then we lost our housing, and separated again because i went through his phone and found out he’d been going behind my back again. i bought myself a trailer and i moved in alone. spent most of the end of 2024 fighting constantly because of his drinking and what he’d do when he drank. then he finally this year decided to move back near his parents for awhile and go to rehab…

unfortunately, i was going through medication changes at the same time and i wasn’t doing very well at all. i have a severe connective tissue disorder and lots of past trauma, as well as being a recovering addict. i was seeing a doctor who had no idea what she was doing and put me on meds that made me angry 24/7.

when he came home from rehab - i snapped on him. for the dumbest things. well, maybe they weren’t as dumb as i thought? but i did absolutely scream at him his first few days home from rehab. i took 100% responsibility. he ended up relapsing.. and i felt fucking awful. here he was, finally sober and i fucking screamed at him? i guess it was just pent up. i don’t really know. but we were on the rocks again. he still was calling me 5x a day and we were acting better and better each time we talked. his birthday was coming up! march 30th! i wanted to take a trip to see him, so i started trying to feel out how solid we were. all i’ve ever done was ask for honesty… always. i’ve forgiven him for everything. unfortunately….

we fight a lot over instagram - because most of the times i’ve 100% confirmed his cheating it’s been through there. so when it gets brought up he calls me a gen z social media obsessed weirdo… as if it’s not one of his tools he’s used to betray me? i dunno? maybe i am fucking crazy? but before i came to see him for his birthday i asked him if he was with anyone.. even one girl in particular i had a weird feeling about on IG. he said no. over and over. so i spent $400 on bday presents, another $500 on dinners, etc etc and then i left to go stay with my dad while im already visiting near where he lives…

BF decides to come roadtrip to my dad’s because our epileptic dog had an insane fit, and my mom offered to pay him to do work at the house. Bf was acting soooo lovey, like weirdly, finally posting me on IG again, doing stuff he hasn’t done in forever… i knew something was up and i hate that him being sweet triggered it. a lot of dumb shit happened in between, but i ended up finding out he had been going on dates. and then he opened up his phone in front of me and i saw tinder smack dab big as hell. i also found out my mom prepaid him 1200! and he still refuses to pay me back at all. now apparently this was all my fault, and i didn’t deserve to know the truth, even though he was running up a joint credit card in both our names while he was fucking around? i paid for a lot of stuff between now and then but he really has me feeling like this is all my fault. AITAH? Did i push him away? did i do something to deserve this?