I wake up way earlier than everyone in my household and I had to take a crap. So I did. I am weird (or maybe it is normal) but I really enjoy the feeling of having a long crap come out of me. I can't predict it, but when it happens I purposely don't try to break it into pieces on it's way out. I enjoy the sensation I guess. No, I enjoy the sensation. No guessing about it. Nothing sexual, just satisfying. So I am letting it come out while purposely not breaking it off. And the unexpected happens. When I get to the end of it, it is so long that it no longer moves it way down the toilet and at the end it comes out and smacks me in the balls. No joke. I figured out what happened after feeling a quick whoosh against my nuts and I am impressed. On a whim (I guess it shouldn't have been a whim to be honest but this is the first time it happened) I decided I should wipe my nut sack. I have a bidet so I normally just spray and dry but after being done I decided to get a fresh toilet paper and wipe the nuts and low and behold I had a skid mark on it (the toilet paper, but that is what it looked like). I wanted to take a shower, but decided to wait because everyone is asleep. So I wiped good because I am not shooting the bidet stream at my nuts and when it was clean decided I would shower when my wife wakes up. Kids will sleep through it. She won't. She wakes up. I tell her what happened thinking it is a funny story. She is angry and disgusted with me. To the point I regret telling her. She thinks I am gross as if I did this on purpose. I explained I cleaned myself and she said I should have just immediately showered. I asked why if I cleaned myself. What is different if I have poop germs on my nuts versus around my anus because they are both still in my underwear. I asked why she is so mad and she just says "Because you are fucking gross. You shouldn't have told me". AITAH or is she being childish?