I’m sorry this is going to be long and all over the place but I would appreciate some help. For a little background. My ex Bf(24) has never been horrible to me in any way. He’s always tried his best. For example I have a favorite food place that’s 2 hours away from where we live and he’ll always take me whenever I want to go or if I need helping fixing something, he’ll always go out of his way to do it. I say this because I’ve always felt good intentions from him. He gets along with my family. He’s always invited to holidays, family movie nights, and even family trips. This all started when my family and I rented an Airbnb for a trip and my BF was invited. There was a pool there. My sister(16) , bf and I decided to jump in first. While we were swimming I looked at him. And I thought I saw him starring at my sister, I thought I overthinking, but it felt like everytime I looked over he was starring in her direction. I thought I was looking at things wrong so I let it go for the rest of the pool time. But I couldn’t stop thinking about it all day. I decided there was no way I could’ve seen it incorrectly and started making rude remarks at my bf all day. I was saying things like “ you’re disgusting” “ you gross me out” “ don’t talk to me you’re dirty “. Eventually later that day I decided to confront him about it. CONTEXT:

I want to add this because I feel it’s necessary for you all to understand why I’m conflicted on what to believe. I was SA for years by a family member. He would tell me he has a crush on me and ask me if he could take my V card. Because of this trauma. I’ve had bad relationships with men. Mostly because i subconsciously think that all men are disgusting even if i tell myself it’s not true. Because of this i find certain moments that most people see as innocent to actually be not innocent. For example. When I was in HS I was changing in my friends room when her dad opened the door to let us know dinner was ready. This moment made me believe it was not some accident but he was actually gross and might’ve waited for a moment like this to happen. I do want to say im still friends with this friend and no longer think that of her dad. I’ve known them for years and trust her family. I just wanted to give you some insight. I also want to mention that my BF knows about my SA. CONTINUE:

So, I decided to confront my boyfriend. I was visibly distraught and on the verge of crying. I said to him, while shaking, “I’m going to ask you something.” At that moment, he looked at me and interrupted, saying, “If you’re going to say what I think you’re going to say...” and His eyes started getting teary. This caught me off guard, and I automatically thought he was guilty and knew what I was going to say. However, I wanted to hear what he’d say, so I asked him to go ahead and say what he thought I was going to say. He then proceeded to say, “If you think I’ve been too friendly with your sister (16), that’s not the case. I’m sorry if I’ve been too close to her.” He went on to explain that my sister had made him feel uncomfortable because she’s very touchy, and he tries his best to stay out of her way. He also said that he views my sister as his own sister and was hurt that I would think so badly of him. At that moment, I had a full-blown breakdown. I told him that the fact he knew I was going to talk about my sister meant he knew I had seen him looking at her in the pool. He immediately looked at me in disbelief and said that he was not staring at her in the pool and didn’t even know that’s what I was going to say. He explained that because I had been calling him disgusting and other horrible names, he was trying to figure out why I was making those remarks. Given my history, he assumed the worst and thought that maybe I had noticed their friendly dynamic and found it odd. I told him it didn’t matter if we were talking about two different circumstances, because the main issue (my sister( not calling her an issue more like the topic)) was still the same. He begged me to believe him and said he would never stare at her. He literally started crying. I told him he was gross and to never talk to me again. He ended up going home. The next day, I decided to ask myself if my sister had ever been uncomfortable in the pool with him or at any other time. She said no, and that she’s always had a good friendship with him.

This made me wonder if I was overthinking everything. I’ve never seen or felt anything unusual before this moment and My (ex)boyfriend continues to insist he wasn’t staring at her, and now I don’t know what to believe.