LONG TEXT (I'll use the word exchange to refer to S .. 3 .. X .. Hello, well actually this is the first time I make a post here on this page, and I would like to hear your opinions on it, For short context I am 21 years old I will omit my name and the names of the characters in the future, I work in a company with my sister it is the same building but different campaigns, since we are in different areas, all started last year in September when I started working there, my sister started the same year a few months before the point is that as I mentioned we were assigned to different work areas different colleagues, I was still in training when my sister introduced me to her colleagues but one in particular caught my attention,I liked him to tell the truth, of course I asked my sister about him, she in a few words helped me to know about him and to be able to start a conversation, she had a meeting with her colleagues which she invited me and I took advantage of to be able to talk to him, the truth is that things flowed very well with him until that same day at night he asked me directly if I liked him to which I accepted, (it is important to emphasize that I had never had a boyfriend or an interaction beyond a friendship with someone) Which apparently he said that I also caught his attention and he thought I was pretty, he was very direct with me and told me that he was not looking for anything serious since he would move to another country (which happened) I accepted and told him that it was no problem, all night we had a great time the conversation flowed and I must accept that we kissed at first I was very shy and I was new to this at one point in the night the conversation about previous relationships, intimacy and things related to that came up, as I told you I had never had a boyfriend or have any tipe of exchange act, he told me that he had never had a girlfriend however he did had exchange before , (he told me about his experience and his exchange something that I will omit out of respect) and in a few words he told me that he was only looking for something similar to that he respected in every context if I said no he Will respect that and I have to admit that I really liked him a lot and something in me made me accept, nothing happened more than a few kisses that day which was a Saturday, he invited me out, Sunday was our first date, we went to eat and more than 3 times he asked me if I was sure if nothing wrong would happend if i don't want to , that there was no problem, I told him that nothing was wrong and I agreed to be with him, then it happened I had my first time with him as I said from the beginning I felt safe with him of course I was nervous and scared like any other person he was nice to me I felt there was a connection, we both liked him and then We decided to go ahead with it, at the end of September I had a little get-together that got a little out of hand and the wide (I think it's important to say that we had the decision first on his part to keep everything a secret especially from my sister, and secondly, we also agreed from the beginning that we would be friends with nothing more than benefits and that if either of us found someone else we would let the other know) At one point in the party we played truth or dare and I had to kiss a boy who is actually cute but is not that interested in me otherwise he apparently had no reaction but the only once he showed to be jealous and I have to accept that on more than one occasion I showed some jealousy) our meetings were at least once a week and almost every day we saw each other at work when he left it was my lunch time he would stay with me for a while and then he would leave (I must also admit that many of my colleagues including him could realize that there was a different vibe or connection between us) each meeting was different at first I didn't feel like an emotional bond between us but then each time it was different, and I must admit that I fell in love with him something that he doesn't know and I don't think I'll ever tell him, sometimes I felt that he also felt something different towards me, each time we connected differently it felt more beautiful he made me feel things I hadn't felt before, sometimes I thought he felt it too (he even told me once to promise him that we were only going to do it him and I and no one else), he met my mom he introduced me to her family including his parents, siblings and uncles of course I introduce myself as a friend nothing more) until that day came he told me he was going to leave, that day was a Monday I felt his gaze somewhat dull, serious than usual I must say that despite being very calm he always talked to me about many things, that time it happened again we were together and I really thought it would be the last time, I must admit that I could not help but cry he just said that he would be fine and that we would see him again he left on a Wednesday, I saw him again 3 weeks later because he came back for some things that he was missing since it was not very far the distance between 2 and 3 hours but different countries, that day we saw each other again and he said again if we would continue seeing each other the first time he left we were talking those 3 weeks and he always asked me if I missed him to which I replied yes and vice versa when he left again we were talking the same however it was less and less and after 2 weeks we did not speak again ,I couldn't stop thinking about him, I knew I felt something more than a friendship, I also thought that he had already noticed someone else and after 5 months of not talking to each other 2 Saturdays ago he spoke to me we spent talking all day clearly we both wanted to see each other and well you can imagine what we also wanted it to happen, he asked me several times if I was mad at him to which I denied but I slightly was a little but I also knew that we were nothing more than friends, then we agreed and on Tuesday we saw each other, what had to happen happened I really enjoyed it and I know that he enjoyed it too I felt that magic inside me we talked, laughed and had a great time he left that same day we talked Wednesday, Thursday we stopped talking but on Sunday we started talking again and here comes what left me with a broken heart to make a long story short he practically told me that he didn't want us to be together again, he told me that he wanted to keep the exchange for the serious person, that is, for the person with whom I would be his girlfriend, he told me that he felt guilty and that he did not feel completely well when on Saturday he had told me that with me he felt a different connection when we were in the act and kissing, but he told me that he wanted to continue being my friend because as I repeat, we connected, not only exchange, we had a great time together even without the exchange, I told him that it was fine that there would be no problem, he told me that we would see each other again, only that there has to be common friends (I must put it in context that I did ask him if he thought that maybe at some point something more than a friendship could happen to which he answered no, he told me that with the person he would be with he wanted to take it slower and would wait until he was not with that person in such a fast way, which hurt my heart and I told him that if I was not worth it to be something more than his friend just because I was with him quickly, he said that it was not only that He told me we didn't have any hobbies in common. He loves the gym and exercise is his favorite pastime, and I've told him that I don't like exercise. He's clearly a thin person, tall, and with a good body. Unlike me, I'm a robust person, not that tall. I don't consider myself a beautiful woman or anything like that, but I think I'm not ugly. In fact, I'm pretty enough, and he's told me that I'm pretty and beautiful. He has a much better financial life than mine. He works as a hobby, and out of necessity, and I have different habits. I'm not going to deny it, and I feel that everything counts. Here's the thing. I have so many doubts in my mind and in my heart, and I would love some advice or opinions from others. I'm aware that there may be many people who may comment negatively, but please, I ask for respect.