I’m part of a close-knit group of three longtime male friends, all in our 60s and divorced. We’ve known each other since high school and meet a few times a year. Years ago, Buddy 2’s wife had an affair during their marriage, which eventually led to their divorce. She moved in with the man she had the affair with and stayed with him until he passed away from an illness years later.

Meanwhile, Buddy 1 was married for nearly 40 years but reconnected with an old girlfriend during his bicoastal work years. His adult kids discovered the affair and told their mom. That relationship eventually ended after retirement plans fell through.

Recently, Buddy 1 began dating Buddy 2’s ex-wife—the same one who had the affair years ago—as she grieves her partner’s death. Buddy 2 says he’s okay with it, but it has definitely changed the dynamic. Now, Buddy 1 is requesting to bring her to group and family events, even though most attendees don’t know about the relationship.

This is starting to feel uncomfortable and disruptive. I think it’s inconsiderate of Buddy 1 to introduce this dynamic so casually, especially given the group history and the emotional weight. I’m considering skipping future events if they both attend as a couple, just to avoid the awkwardness.

Am I overreacting? Is it wrong to quietly set that boundary?

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