I (24F, queer) am friends with Q (24M). Q happens to be one of my only few straight friends, usually I find it to be a lot of work, mental and emotional labour to be friends with straight people who aren’t allies (in its truest definition). Q is also friends/ acquainted to a lot of my other queer friends, a space I opened up to Q cuz I trusted him.

Last night Q threw his birthday party (his birthday is on Monday- tomorrow, but he felt it was convenient to throw a party over the weekend). There were a lot of straight people, no one openly queer (thankfully none of my queer friends made it). Throughout the night, there were about 4-5 instances where Q was making jokes about/ around being gay. Some of these looked like: - “He was trying to hit on a woman, and another woman was trying to hit on that woman too, apparently she is A bisexual” - “Man this is so much pink on me, that’s so gay”

These casual ‘humorous’ comments went on for a long time and I was sitting through so much disappointment, confusion about being there, fear (lots of the people here are also homophobic/ extremely ignorant about queerness) and much more. I kept walking in and out of spaces as a way of regulating. Thankfully another friend (let’s call him T) figured out what was happening to me (I’m out to him) and joined me on walks through the night.

But after a point, it felt too much and it got too much. This was after about 6-7 hours of sitting through this. T happened to be going back home for the night and offered for me to crash at his place. I was initially supposed to stay back the entire night but ended up leaving, I told Q I wasn’t doing well and that it’s too many people so I’ll have to leave.

Cut to today morning, I get a bunch of texts from Q talking about how he’s mad at me for leaving the party so soon and for not staying. I’m still very pissed, disappointed and let down. He considers me a good friend and accesses my queer friends for support regularly too. But his own ways of being in his social circles is making me lose my mind. Since his birthday is tomorrow, I’m feeling so conflicted. I need to show up for him, get him gifts and things but I feel so let down and unable to do anything right now. It would help to tell him that I’m pissed but it’s his birthday tomorrow and I don’t want to ruin it for him with a conflict!! We’re from India and this place for the most part is queerphobic in sooo many ways so I’m just feeling like I’m over reacting to everything.

AITAH? Am I over reacting to a joke? Am I too sensitive????