(SHE NEVER NEEDS PERMISSION TO GO ANYWHERE TO BE CLEAR. It's more of a "planning our night plans separately or together" type of thing... just proper adult healthy communication between live-in partners.)

I think she will think I will say no on whatever it is, like if she's going out or something, so she doesn't ask ahead of time. She just "traps" me on the phone, like "well if OP is OK with me going out, right OP?" or "Yeah Mom, OP and I will meet you for dinner tonight, right OP?"

It just feels like a respect thing. So I kinda bitched her out. I was a little too "mad" I guess, but it hurts my feelings that she does that.

She is obsessed with planning and knowing plans, but then doesn't talk to me beforehand in a private conversation about HER plans.

It's never:

"My friends invited me out! Isn't that nice? I haven't gotten to hang out with them in a long time. Are you OK if I go out?"

"That's great honey! Yeah, of course! I hope you have a great time!"

Instead it's the "gotcha!" trap. I think it's from baggage from her last relationship but it feels so manipulative and icky.

She is just weirdly overly private, and I'm an open-book so lack of communication really irks me.

(I was overly bitchy about it, and should have had a gentle conversation, but ignoring that...)

AITA?