Some context, my mom and I have a fraught, difficult relationship. She was abused growing up, and struggled with rage when I was a kid. She yelled and screamed and guilt tripped and cried all the time. I learned quickly not to explain she hurt me, because she would say things like "I never said that!" All the time. Fast forward to now. We still have a tense relationship with plenty of "I never said/ did that" moments. Almost a decade ago I started working for an airline in the summer time only where I get free standby flight privileges (yes it's pretty freakin sweet). I can add my spouse, children, and parents. I added my mom dad and husband. Fast forward and I have a daughter. My mom is ECSTATIC to have a grandchild and offers to fly down to where we live (because she can fly free) and watch her so I can work during the summer. Fast forward and little more and I have a son, and I say, "Hey, I can't afford a babysitter for 2 kids for a summer job, so if we all want free flights, I need you to watch my kids a couple days a week for a few weeks in the summer so we can all keep flying for free." She responded positively, something like "oh gee, spend time with my grandkids and fly for free! I like this deal!" So we agreed she'd help with my kids every summer and continue to get free flight benefits. Just the summer, just a couple days a week. Fast forward a bit more, and future summers she acts like this is the first she's hearing about this before finally remembering and having excuses about why she can't before finally relenting to 1 day a week during the summer. Well, now I have 5 kids. I can absolutely agree that saying you'll watch 2 kids is very different than 5. We now live about 15 minutes away from my parents. We moved closer to them in no small part because she made all these huge promises that she'd help with the kids, and within a month of moving here she takes it all back with a half assed apology along the lines of "sorry that I bit off more than I can chew, but I just can't do it." Now fast forward to last week. At dinner the other night my mom said she 'never' (eye roll) gets to see the babies (11 month old twin girls) and I said, "well hey, want to watch just the twins once a week this summer?" She immediately starts making up excuses and I said "well if you want flight benefits this summer..." and she looked stricken. I said, "mom, we've talked about this. You agreed to help with the kids in summers so I can work." "Well 5 is very different from 2!" "Absolutely- which is why I asked if you wanted to help with just the babies. If you'd rather take the older 3 once a week that's fine too". Immediate pushback. The conversation fizzles out without a resolution. Fast forward to today. She has talked to my dad, her sister, and her therapist, who have all apparently agreed that I am being manipulative and am blackmailing her with threatening to take away flight benefits. I'm not trying to blackmail her, and I'm trying to do some honest introspection here. I saw it as trying to hold her to what she promised. Considering her past of over promiseing and under delivering I know I shouldn't be surprised. But my husband got laid off several months ago and we now really need the money my job provides. My husband is freelancing so his income is hit or miss and inconsistent, but he's working a lot trying to get, well, more work. Point is he can watch the kids some but he has to have some time to get work done. We can't afford babysitters right now. We REALLY need help. REEEEEALLY need her to keep her word. She emailed me a really angry email telling me how heartbroken she is that I'm blackmailing her when she thought I was giving flight benefits out of the goodness of my heart because I love her, she didn't realize it was a quid pro quo situation. Talked about how mortified everyone was that I was blackmailing her, that it was blatant manipulation, etc. I replied I'm not taking away her flight benefits and we can talk about this with someone else present. That conversation hasn't happened yet. I really want to come at this from the right perspective. Am I being manipulative and blackmailing her or does it make sense I'm trying to hold her to what she (at the time) happily promised to do? Am I the asshole here? TIA