Hi guys, I don’t really know how to do this. There’s a lot of context to this, so much so that I barely want to type it. My ex bf is trying to set things right with me after he betrayed my trust and start over from scratch. I decided to give him a chance as long as we started out as friends again. Today he brought up that his mom is still angry at me for an incident that occurred about a year ago on his birthday. It was our first year together and I had planned two events 1) a go kart party with his friends and siblings 2) a horseback riding adventure for his family (specifically for his mom since I knew that would be something she’d enjoy). At that time she and I hadn’t really interacted much, but I wanted to take her into account in my planning, even though I still felt shy around her. I didn’t invite her to the go kart party thing because I wanted that to be a time for him to spend with his friends (it was a surprise) plus I wasn’t sure how’d she’d feel just watching us and I didn’t know if there would be any place for her to sit. Anyway, she ended up coming anyway and she helped me set up a little party room that I had reserved for us. (I ended up reserving the room last minute) At one point I was giving the cake around and I noticed she had grabbed a piece that had fallen apart for herself. I thought she would rather have a nice full piece so I told her she shouldn’t take that and instead offered her my piece. When she tells this story to her son she says that I aggressively tried to take the plate from her. I genuinely just felt like I couldn’t let the mom of my bf who I love by default have something that wasn’t the best. I really didn’t do it with any bad intentions. Plus we’re all Hispanic and it’s a given that when we say “no” we actually mean “yes”. Anyway, she never brought it up to me, but since then I’ve made sure to always cater to her in every way I can. I buy her flowers, help her clean, go above and beyond for her son, always put her first, when even her own family isn’t paying attention to her, I’m there for her. And I seriously don’t do it because I’m trying to be on her good graces, I just genuinely love her and it comes naturally to want to watch out for her feelings and well being. Anyway, it’s been made very clear to me that she doesn’t want me to be with her son and I guess she brought up that incident again to him saying that she still holds it against me. Now, I honestly don’t mind because I know she’s gone through a lot growing up and stuff, plus anger like that only hurts the person who holds it. But what hurts the most is that her son has insisted I should apologize to her. He says that I need to set aside my pride to be in her good graces. But I don’t think I’m being prideful and I really don’t think he should be putting me in this position. If she came up to me and brought up the concern I would happily apologize; however, I don’t think it’s right to be expected to approach her first, when 1) I broke up with her son recently and rn he should be focusing on trying to fix things with me rather than a future that won’t even exist if he doesn’t 2) this happened so freaking long ago and I put so much of my money that I didn’t have, heart, and effort to make it special and all that’s remembered is that I wanted to give her a bigger piece of cake 3) I fear it sets a precedent where she will always be the victim and I will be forced to bend to her will because her son won’t stand up for me because “she’s been through a lot”. My mother has forgiven so many things that he has done to both her and I; and I was the one to stand up for him in those cases and advocate for him. So now I have to stand up for myself and advocate for myself with his family TOO?

I fear I am coming off as an asshole, but I’m just so hurt and angry. I just don’t want this to be my life in the future. I have so many things going on and he brings this up for what? I had a test to take and wanted to sleep early and he brings this up at 11pm out of nowhere imo.

TLDR ex bf’s mom hates me because I wanted to give her a bigger piece of cake a year ago at a birthday party I organized for her son and she felt I disregarded her boundaries. I have since grown closer to her (or so I thought) but apparently she still holds it against me.

AITAH?