(throwaway acc)

my bf (17m) and i (17f) have been dating for nearly 2 years. he hasn't been doing great in school lately, but nothing's changed since prior years. i'm doing my best to be supportive but i have my own schoolwork and extracurriculars to worry about.

for context, school comes "easier" to me than it does for him, but my coursework is much more rigorous. for that reason, i'm not able to support him all the time (reminding him of due dates, contacting teachers, etc). i used to be able to do so in the past, and he got straight A's during that time. but now that i'm taking on more responsibilities, that's no longer an option.

earlier, i told my bf that i don't care whether or not he fails his classes. he's currently on track to fail 3 classes. i don't need him to have straight A's and attend an elite institution - i love him because of his kind character.

however, he's been stressed because of his grades and has been taking it out on me. due to his low sleep, he's been lashing out and shutting down around me more often (i get much less sleep and don't do that though). i spoke to him about this with a grumpy tone because i notice that he puts off his schoolwork to play games and watch youtube a lot, then ends up sleeping late and not turning in work. to me, that doesn't make sense, especially since he's already receiving help from teachers in many of his classes.

he lives with his grandparents, and they're real big helicopter grandparents. my bf ended up crying after i left, and i had no idea until much later. his grandparents found him crying and have now taken his phone away and banned him from communicating with me for the next day. he becomes a legal adult in less than 2 months, yet gets treated like a child half his age because they believe he has no free will of his own and i'm "manipulating" him.

tldr: i spoke up about how my bf treats me poorly due to academic stressors, and his helicopter grandparents have banned us from communicating because they think i'm toxic.

am i the asshole?