hopefully this is allowed and i will be changing all names for obvious reasons. it’s a long story so i’ll add a TLDR at the end.

i (21f) am dating “John” (21m). John and i have been pretty happy in our relationship up until now. we began dating and we were living in an apartment. John’s mom “Sue” (48f) gave us the idea to move into a camper (we’re very southern people and honestly, a camper is cool bc we can travel and still take our home with us) bc paying $520 a month on our camper + insurance is cheaper and better than paying $1400 in a 1bed 1bath that we’ll never own. we did exactly that. Sue started looking at campers for us (didn’t ask her to do but ofc we appreciated it) and she found one John and i really like. John and i moved in and his parents told us we could put it on their property bc they already have camper hookups (if you aren’t familiar, campers require a power cord and we needed an outlet to plug it into) as they have a camper as well (they don’t live in theirs, it’s specifically for travel purposes - also aware that this is our first problem). John is his moms only child but his dad has another child (previous marriage) so i understand how she feels for him as i’m my dads only daughter (3 boys, 1 girl).

everything was fine until a week ago when Sue told John that i “use him” bc i don’t cook or clean. let me explain. i bring in money too (i don’t feel comfortable telling what i do but i definitely am not a mattress actress or anything like it) but John and i both bring in about $2400 monthly SEPARATELY (he brings in $2400 and so do i). he actually goes out to work and is also in school as an electrician apprentice. i dont go out for school or work. he pays his truck payment and insurance, and the camper payment and insurance as my name is not on any of those. i pay for our groceries and all of our tv subscriptions plus whatever he wants/whatever we want. i don’t clean or cook all the time but i do when i can. i do ask that John helps me bc living with me, on his own or with his parents, he still has to take care and clean up after himself. so in no way, shape, or form could i be using John.

Sue is FREAKING out bc i don’t cook or clean but i also don’t have a job (which would she rather me do?? she can only pick ONE). then proceeds to tell John that she thinks my ex husband left me (he wanted the military benefits - he’s enlisted and used me as a cover up) bc i used him but truthfully, i left my husband, not the other way around as he is interested in men (i have proof - also, i don’t have a problem with him being interested in men but i want kids and a marriage that lasts forever). that hurt my feelings bc John didn’t even bother to defend me. i then tell John when he tells me about this that he has to choose me or his mother NOT IN THE WAY YOU THINK. i meant prioritize someone a little more than the other. i will never keep John from his family at all, but i believe he’s already established his relationship with his mother so he still needs to establish he relationship with me - does he actually want to be with me before eventually proposing or having children and then realizing he doesn’t? i think it’s good to still establish those things until he KNOWS he’s ready and so am i.

this set Sue OFF when she hears about it. she begins yelling at me across the yard when she’s told of this, tells me “my pu**y can’t be that good” and that she bends over backwards for us. in my opinion, 1. why are you thinking of my body that way??? 2. we never asked her to do anything for us, which yes, it’s appreciated but if you’re gonna do something out of the kindness in your heart, don’t do it if you’re gonna use it against me and hold it over my head. then she proceeds to threaten me (i have a video of everything). Johns dad “John Sr.” tells me i need to leave. why am i leaving if i have lived here for over 30 days and have established my residency?? i decide whatever and leave. i came back last night (today is 4/18/25) and John and i are okay now, we have talked. John goes outside (i was inside to just be the bigger person) and Sue looks John dead in his face and says “move that shit!” and points at our camper, then STOMPS off like a child. John begins crying (be nice about him crying. i understand why he cried) and Sue comes back and says “i’m sorry baby, i shouldn’t have said that.”

now today, John texts me “hey you mind if I change my profile picture on facebook to this?” and sends a pic of himself. i ask why. he at first lies to me and then tells me that he told his coworkers that we broke up. he completely removed it from his public details on facebook that we are together. i told him that he is not dating his coworkers so why does it matter? he says he’s sorry and it was bc he was late to work and lied and said he was helping me get my stuff out of the camper. while he and i have lived together, i make sure he’s up on time to leave for work at 4:30am every week day, so he’s never been late but this day, he wasn’t at work until 8:30am.

i’m completely lost and idk what to do. it’s worth mentioning i have NEVER disrespected John or his family/friends. i have never said anything bad about them whatsoever. Sue also told John’s best friend that he can’t work on my vehicle anymore (he is a mechanic and my timing belt needs to be retimed.) Sue YELLED at me and i never yelled back, i raised my voice just enough so she could hear me. she freaked out about seeing my underwear bc she switched out our laundry (DIDNT ASK HER TO DO and would she rather me not wear underwear at all????)

maybe i really am the a-hole here but i don’t think i am. i have always been respectful and kind, even after all of this. i have told John that ill cook and clean if im not working but i wont do both if i am working (one cleans, one cooks).

TLDR: boyfriends mom has been extremely disrespectful towards me when i haven’t been to her and now its causing a problem between my bf and i