This is hard to start but I was with a man for damn near a decade that hid his alcoholism from me really well the first 6-ish years we were together. I unfortunately only really realized the intensity of his addiction after the birth of our second son via c-section for the second time and needed real tangible support during that time only to find out 3 weeks post partum he was so drunk he couldn't help me.

Through our relationship I was always put second to his work, especially after our first son was diagnosed with non-verbal severe autism. Things seem to have spiraled from that point to now.

I can't even really detail every time I caught him drinking vodka out of old Gatorade bottles and whatever else he could get his hands on. Last year (2024) i had found him passed out in the middle of our street outside of our hone with the car run I g absolutely obliterated that I finally put my foot down and said it was either treatment to save our family or he was on his own.

Sadly he chose to keep drinking and wasn't seeking help for almost 2 months so I made the difficult decision to do the tough love kind of reality checkers where he was welcome "home" as long as he was sober but he couldn't do it. After a few days he messaged me and was coming to visit our sons and grab some things he needed as I refused to have him home drunk.

On the way to see our boys after work he unfortunately crashed, a single vehicle accident where he was ejected due to not wearing a seat belt and in the words of the hospital had a "terminal" amount of alcohol in his system.

When he was ejected he severely damaged his brain to the point he was deemed brain dead at the emergency room, somehow the next morning the doctors had hope and asked for my consent for brain surgery to save his life. He lived and continued to be in a comatose state for months afterwards.

We are now into April and he hasn't recovered to the extent we had hoped, he can't walk, or eat or really do anything other than answer yes or no questions. Our kids are scared of him and I want so desperately for them to have a relationship with their father no matter how awful and difficult our relationship was, most partners of addicts can attest to holding onto hope they'll be the person you know they can be but that never comes.

I am now seeing someone new that I've known since I was 12/13 and I strongly believe we're soulmates and he loves my sons as much as I do and stepped into the step parent role so easily. I didn't realize how little of a parent my sons were getting from their father until he wasn't a part of their lives.

I guess the main thing I'm asking and looking for advice/opinions on, was i wrong to do the tough love to an addict and now moving on with the literal love of my life (he traveled across Canada for me). I'm happy but the guilt of the last decade is really getting to me.

*want add there's a lot of horrible things that happened while I was with an addict, I just don't feel that going into all the horrible and sad things I went through would help without also tarnishing this person's reputation when they can't defend themselves is unfair so know I went through a lot of trauma and abuse but don't care to detail it all for strangers. Thanks 🍑