I (30F) recently went on a long-awaited family holiday with my husband (30M) and our 8-year-old autistic son. We booked the trip over a year ago with my sister-in-law “Susan” (35F), her boyfriend “Roy” (33M), and their 5-year-old son “Jack.” This was our first ever family vacation and we were really looking forward to it.

From the beginning, things started feeling off. Susan constantly complained there was nothing to do (despite it being an all-inclusive beachfront aqua park resort), and focused more on finding bars and shops, or talking about what drinks she was having by the pool. I made it clear this was a family vacation for us, they could do as they pleased but my husband and I were here to spend time together as a family with our son. She also offered to babysit our son so my husband and I could have alone time — but immediately added that we’d have to return the favor. I politely declined, but she kept pushing. It was awkward.

Then Roy "joked" about smuggling weed in his suitcase, and knowing him, it wasn’t a joke. I told my FIL, who firmly warned him not to do it. Turns out Roy did bring it anyway, and smoked it on the balcony. I asked him to at least let us know when so we could close our door to avoid the smell. He agreed, but I was already pissed. On more than one occasion he "forgot" to let us know and our whole room stank.

Jack is honestly a handful — swearing, hitting, even making racist comments that Susan and Roy laugh at. They have no control over him. Susan even asked me to discipline him, saying he “listens to me.” I felt bad and helped on the flight over, but it was a nightmare. I was already over it.

Things got worse at the hotel. Jack kept calling our room phone non-stop after Susan taught him how to use it. My autistic son started shutting down from the overstimulation. So I asked Susan to handle it, not wanting my son to shut down on the first day. Her response was for us to just leave the phone off the hook rather than get Jack to stop.

By day three, my husband was furious. He wanted to confront them, but I begged him not to ruin the trip. Roy was never around, always running off to do his own thing, so Susan clung to us with Jack constantly. It was exhausting.

At meals, Jack was constantly in my son’s space, spitting food and ignoring boundaries. His parents ignored it, so I told him to sit and leave my son alone. Susan tried to comfort Jack when he blew up over this and Jack hit his mother in response. Next meal, I sat beside my son (as per his request) so Jack couldn’t. Jack had a full-on meltdown, spitting, screaming, hitting. Susan offered him a new toy if he calmed down, when that didn't work she made threats to not let Jack in the pool if he carried on and then smacked him in public when he still didn’t stop. It only made him worse. It was embarrassing, especially when Susan yelled at people for watching him tantrum. Then she let him play in the pool and bought him a new toy anyway.

They also kept leaving Jack with us whenever we went out exploring, walking off in front without a care in the world as to where their son was. His buggy was used to carry their bags, and Susan constantly told Jack to hold my son’s hand, effectively making my husband and I babysitters. We made sure to always hold our son’s hand and to stop whenever Jack fell behind.

Jack had tantrums any time our son had something he didn't. In a toy store, my son bought a Pokémon toy with his own money. Jack didn’t have enough as he had spent his money on a toy gun. Susan tried to talk my son out of buying it, but we shut that down. Jack freaked out, hitting, kicking, spitting and swearing until Susan bought the toy for him. I told her she was rewarding his bad behavior but she didn’t care.

Things got worse. Susan started sending Jack to knock on our hotel room door every morning and afternoon while she blasted music and “got ready.” He’d come in, jump on our bed, throw clothes and toys around, and basically trash the place. Then when she’d finally come collect him, she’d make little digs like, “Wow, you guys are messy!” As if he hadn’t just wrecked the room.

My husband and I argued a little because I still wouldn't let him say something. So he instead told me not to watch Jack anymore as it was ruining our holiday. If he fell behind we moved forward. If Susan told Jack to hold our son's hand, we'd tell her no. If he knocked on our door, we wouldn't answer. Etc.

On our second-to-last day, my husband and I planned a trip to a nearby town. Susan and Roy tagged along uninvited. We stuck to our boundaries and didn’t watch Jack at all. While shopping, Susan suddenly asked, “Where’s Jack?” I told her I didn’t know. She said she she told my son to watch him, but I told her that was bullshit because my son had been holding my hand the entire time and I didn't hear her say a word about it to him.

Susan and Roy argued about who was responsible while not actually looking for him. I stepped out and found Jack down the street, alone and scared. I told Susan, and she ran over, smacked him hard, and screamed in his face for wandering off.

I felt horrible. Anything could’ve happened to him. I told my husband maybe we should have watched him. He said no, Jack is their responsibility, this is our holiday too and we’re not their nannies.

Now I’m torn. I knew they were irresponsible, and could have just watched him. But we were being used and they were ruining our whole trip. So…

AITA for deliberately not watching my nephew while on vacation, which led to him getting lost?