So I think it is important to know the backstory to understand what is happening and why I feel like I feel. I go to a school that has mixed classes so there is the 0th grade which is together with the first and the second and the third is together with the fourth and fifth. I never really had friends so the first three years of school (0th to 2nd grade) I was always alone. When the time came to change classes, I was excited because a new class meant a new chance to find new friends. But that didn’t happen. Just like in the previous one I was an outsider. But there was a group of girls in particular that didn’t like me. They always made fun of me of my looks and so on. They took photos of me and send them around the school and gossiped about me. The teachers didn’t do anything and even screamed at me when I told them that they were sending pictures of me to other people. They always said that this wasn’t their problem. My parents tried to help with everything they could, but it was never enough to stop them. Just for the information one of the girls is this “friend” who I am talking about in the title. I’m going to call her M. So M was part of this group and was constantly bullying me to the point where I didn’t want to live anymore (mind you I was 7/8). But someday the bullying just stopped, and I was back to being left alone. It went as far as that I was eating my breakfast in the bathroom and lunch in a corner in the cafeteria all alone. I don’t know how but M and I became friends somehow. Our friendship is 5 years old. During that time, we never really met each other often outside of school. She later changed schools because she was getting bullied as well but at that time we weren’t in the same class already. Even though we were friends, I always blamed her for the dark Times back in third grade. One day I was having a sleepover with her where she told me something that left me feeling like crap. You see my teacher always used to hide sweets for us to search on Easter. She told me that one girl (that was also a huge bully to me) what’s telling everyone that I don’t need anymore sweets because I was already too fat. Now at that age, it wouldn’t have bothered me, but it really hurt me because of bullying. I received in 6 to 8th grade because of my looks. I don’t quite understand why she told me this after all those years, but I moved on. Now what got me to writing this down is because of a situation that happened yesterday. I was celebrating my birthday and had a few friends over, including her. There is something that is important to know. I am still not very liked at my school and there were happening horrible things to me, but this is a story for another time. I was always alone, and I found a girl named L that was very nice to me. I also started to kind of like befriending the other kids that no one liked, but who seemed cool. No it’s my birthday party. She proceeded to tell me in front of my friends (from cheer practice) that she has met up with a few girls who are going to my school and she told me that they were saying stuff about me because I am friends with this girl. I let it slide. Later, we posted a story on Instagram and her brother reacted to it saying something like “ewww fckng friend of emos”. This very annoyed me. Also, she tried to hit on some guy for me which I told her multiple times not to do. (I have never had a boyfriend and I’m very insecure of my looks) she did it anyway. Now he looked at some pictures of me that she sent him, and of course, rejected me saying I look too young for my age. Now I’m not gonna lie. I do look pretty young, but I ask her not to message him because I knew he would say something hurtful, which is going to make me feel even more insecure and cheated it anyway. Yesterday she messaged me not to tell the girls that she told me what they were saying about me because she would lose friends unnecessarily, and then I snapped and asked her why she was even friends with someone who was saying those things about me. She started defending them and telling me that those things that they said, weren’t that bad. Then she messaged a friend of mine that was also at my birthday party telling her that this guy she was messaging about me rejected me because of my looks and blocked me and I don’t know what to do. I genuinely feel like I can’t continue in this friendship, but I don’t have the balls (Im a girl) to tell her.

Does anyone have any tips?