It's a scary title I know, and it's not my favorite to write, but I genuinely need some advice. I (f15) and this guy (M16?) don't know each other whatsoever. He's in my graduating class and we've been in the same school our whole lives. I don't talk to him and he gives me really bad anxiety. I refuse to believe that I "like" him. Because I don't really feel any emotional connection to him, but I find myself drawn to him. I'm not sure why, but sometimes I find myself staring at him and seem to be disappointed when I don't find him staring back. That just sounds like a textbook crush, but here is where the obsessive part comes in. I constantly think about him. But I get uncomfortable around him and my throat tightens up and all I want to do is cry. And yet I feel my heart wanting to turn to dust in my chest. I can't tell if I'm scared of him or what. I've had a crush on him my whole life, and have embarrassed myself around him quite a bit. I don't want to say I like him because everybody does. He's that popular guy that every girl like and no guy wants to be around. It's so weird because my friend likes him and we always catch him staring at her. It makes me happy for her and I think they would be a great match together honestly, but I can't help but feel a lingering jealousy. Not to mention I can't even keep his name out of my mouth and all I can is talk about him for some reason! I really don't like it. I can't tell if I'm obsessed or not. I always want to look at his posts and stuff, but I've quite literally blocked him on everything because I'm so terrified of him. Or maybe I'm scared of being the fat girl who like the popular guy. I don't know. I guess this really isn't an AITAH post but I feel like TAH for wanting him to just look at me. I can't tell how I feel. So really, I just need some advice.