I 23F and my partner 23M live together and I often invite one of my friends 24F over to hang out, have girls nights, cook ect. I love having my friend over, but recently her odor has become increasingly more noticeable and something I’m not sure how/if I should bring up. We have been friends for over a year, but we’ve only started recently hanging out one on one at my place since last fall.

My friend has been coming over a lot to hang out recently, and ever since the weather started heating up where we live I’ve been noticing a dramatic increase in her scent. For some context, I broke my nose as a kid and never got it professionally fixed so my sense of smell even now is a bit weak, but my boyfriend, who also lives in the apartment with me and is sometimes around when we are doing our hangouts, has begun to comment on it heavily whenever my friend leaves. I have noticed in the past that my friend has body odor, but I usually adjust to it quickly or I simply just catch a quick wiff of it every once in a while which I can handle. But the last few times she has come over it’s been bad, like really really bad, to the point I am breathing through my mouth even if she’s 5ft away on the other side of the couch. The scent is more than just normal body odor. It is way more dense I guess? If I’m within a couple feet of my friend, it can feel almost humid, and even myself who has a weak sense of smell, will end up gagging.

During the last time she came over, we sat on the couch and watched a movie. I held my hand up near my nose so I could try and breath through my sweater. I actually felt myself getting physically ill, and like I said this is with my weak sense of smell. Not even 15 minutes into the movie, my boyfriend, who was making snacks for all of us, went to our bedroom and stayed there for a while. He texted me saying that it was actually unbearable, and that if I consider myself a good friend of hers, I have to be honest and tell her. After my friend left, he came out of the room and reiterated what he said in text. He said it wasn’t only body odor, but also smelled like feces and that she might not be taking care of her women’s hygiene as well. Even after she left, our couch had a lingering but pungent scent on it. I’ve gotten a couch cover, which I wash after she leaves each time and spray fabric cleaner on it before and after too. When I say the scent lingers, it will stick around until I clean the area, and affects our whole living room. On nights where my friend stays over late, I don’t have the time or energy to clean up afterwards and will sometimes just go to bed. When I get up in the morning and go to the living room, it is one of the first things I notice, even if it’s been multiple hours since my friend was in the apartment. It’s becoming something I cannot downplay or ignore since it requires me to clean up a lot after she leaves.

I know that if it were me in my friend shoes, I would want somebody to be honest with me. But there’s a few reasons why I’m reluctant to do so. First off, my friend is a bigger girl and is open that she sweats a lot and has problems with her thyroid and other medical conditions attributed to her weight. I worry that it may not just be bad body odor, and might have a deeper cause which my friend might not have full control of. She has been open to me about being insecure about her weight, and I do not want to be the one to add further insecurities, especially if it is something that she isn’t able to fix on her own. Since she has been open with me about these things I do believe that she is aware of her smell to some extent, but might not realize or want to address the severity of it.

Another reason is that my friend landed a job in another city and will be moving in about three weeks. Once that time comes, we will be on pretty much opposite sides of the country and will not see each other often at all. I wonder if saying this is just going to cause unnecessary insecurity and hurt during the last few weeks that we have together. She is pretty shy, and if tell her, I’m worried that it will just make her pull away from me and we won’t be able to hang out at all in the last bit of time that we have together.

My boyfriend who has a much more normal sense of smell than I do says I am being a complete asshole if I don’t tell her. My friend has been looking to get a boyfriend/go out on dates, but hasn’t been successful thus far. My boyfriend is telling me that her scent is definitely one of the reasons, and that if I’m not the one to tell her now, it will be a man later on in the future which is going to cause even more insecurity for her. He says that if it’s me who tells her, someone she trust and knows has her best interest at heart, maybe we can work on finding a solution together. But if it ends up being a guy later on this will cause way more insecurities, and may even put her off from dating or putting herself out there in the future.

I definitely want to be there for my friend and believe that honesty is the best way to go about this, but with only a few weeks left until we don’t see each other very often, I am reluctant about being the one to broach this issue toward her. Would I be the asshole if I bring this up to my friend now? If I bring this up to her, I want to come offering possible solutions or ways to help her. Is there even a way to bring this up politely that is also sensitive to it possibly being related to medical issues? Any advice would be appreciated, especially if you know of any ways that could help tackle the problem.