Let me preface this by saying: I love my girlfriend. But when it comes to sharing food, she turns into a little food goblin.

Whenever my girlfriend and I are eating together — like a bag of tortilla chips with dip, some shared mac and cheese, whatever — she just completely monopolizes the food without even realizing it and proceeds to eat it like she’s been starved for a decade.

No turning the bag toward me. No “hey, wanna grab some?” If I didn’t actively lunge across the couch like I’m stealing bread in Les Misérables, I would simply never eat.

It doesn’t stop there. When we split something like mac and cheese she’ll take a bite and stab her fork back into the dish at an angle so that I’d have to move it or work around it just to get anything.

I tried being chill about it. But it kept happening. So I started fighting back in dumb, petty ways: I move the chips right in front of me without a word anytime she grabs them first, I build napkin walls and fortresses around my share of the food, I dramatically sigh and stare at the food when she forgets I exist.

Otherwise I’d be sitting there like a damn Victorian orphan wondering if I’m allowed to have a bite.

Is this psychotic? Maybe. Do I care anymore? Absolutely not.

AITA for not verbally addressing it and instead responding with this pettiest energy?