So my wife has been really stressed and dealing with a lot of school so I have been trying to be understanding and when she has been lashing out or dismissing my needs because she's busy I have been trying to give her the benefit of the doubt and leave it alone. I even planned to go to counseling with her so we could talk about my concerns in how she's been treating me in a safe space because she can get really defensive. This has all started around her last semester of school, so I know she is normally capable of being reasonable and empathetic but it seems like this semester has just taken a big toll on her mental health and something has snapped.

A couple days ago she messaged me

"Hey OP, I’ve been thinking a lot about everything that happened a couple of weeks ago. It brought up some things I hadn’t fully processed, and I need time to work through them.

Right now, I’m focusing on getting sober and finishing school, and I’m not in a place to meet your intimacy or emotional needs.

I want to be honest with you: I can’t engage in sex or intimacy until we’ve addressed these issues, maybe with the help of that therapist. I hope you can understand where I’m coming from"

***The incident she is referring to is when I tried to gently communicate that I felt our communal spaces weren't being respected because I couldn't use our kitchen around her mess, she said she couldn't do a single thing more than she is already doing because she is overwhelmed. I asked if that meant that she wouldn't even put garbage in the garbage instead of the counter until she finished school. She blew up and said she didn't like the way I was speaking to her, and I said I'm just trying to understand what your saying. She said no that's not what I meant. And I said okay thank you and tried to drop it. She said don't you want to hear what I meant? And I said no. I didn't feel safe or comfortable and wanted to end the conversation. She kept going on about how I was cutting her out of the conversation and then said that SHE needed to leave the conversation because of how I was treating her and stormed out and left the house for 2 days. (This is the incident we were planning to unpack in therapy because I asked to to apologise for ignoring my pleading to end the conversation but she said that's not how she remembered it happening).

I asked her if she wanted a break or what kind of space she needed, and she just kept reiterating that I don't need to understand her boundaries but I need to respect them. I just kept asking how I can respect them If I don't know what exactly they are, and she ended the conversation like this:

"I’ve explained my boundary multiple times. If you choose not to accept it, that’s your decision, but I’m not going to keep repeating myself. I need space, and I need you to respect that, whether you fully understand it or not. I’m stepping away from this conversation now."

I responded that I have my own boundaries and I am not going to trip over myself guessing what she expects from me if she won't communicate what she needs.

This was Monday night, since then she hasn't spoken to me, looked at me, or even acknowledged when I fall or groan in pain. It seems like she hated me, but I have been walking on eggshells trying not overwhelm her or upset her these last couple of months and I don't know what she could possibly be upset at me for.

Should I just keep living in my bedroom scared to leave until she finishes exams? What else can I even do without disrespecting her boundaries and need for space? AITAH for needing clarification on her boundary?

Its worth noting that she has been dealing with CPTSD, BPD, Autism, and ADHD, and I know she is really struggling so I am not sure how to assert my own boundaries without triggering her or making it worse.