Let me preface this post by saying it will be a long one. And the advice I need is not someone saying if you are asking to is question you have your answer. I, 19F, have been dating my 20M boyfriend for almost 2 years. I will be starting the good things then going into the bad to paint a clear picture.

I have never been and will never be a girl who accepts foolishness from a man. It’s not in my nature. I like a traditional man who is religious but not religiously toxic. I expect a man to support me in all things I do and if they disagree with something they express it in a decent manner. Now, my bf is a kind man. We are both in uni so I am understanding. I also understand that because we were grown differently, our views and maturity are different. He is an extremely supportive man. And where I am, he is honestly one of the best I have seen. Like for example I remember telling him I do not know my favorite flower because they are all so cute. He went on to get me a different type each month so I can rank them. He doesn’t mind spending his money on me and doesn’t forget my birthday and those things. He and I have very similar standpoints on things in life like religion, future family life, finances etc. He is honestly the type of man that says he wants to work and doesn’t care if his wife does or not, as long as she does something meaningful with her life. His future salary should be enough to support everyone. He spends most of his free time with me and no complaints either. He genuinely wants to do it and it’s been this way the entire time. He will not have classes for the day but still come even if there are many obstacles to spend the day with me. When an emergency happened he came just to hold me so I could cry. He has a good family and is just overall very ambitious and he is very sweet. Hopefully I painted the good picture because this side is really good. And like I have access to his card, if I tell him to do something or something makes me uncomfortable he will ask me how can he fix it, he is always asking how can I do better or what should he do to make me feel better.

Now for the bad, I will list all his mistakes in this relationship. Firstly, he was kinda addicted to porn. (I believe in waiting for marriage for myself). I wouldn’t say addicted maybe just that he used it. I expressed that I don’t like it because it still allows for his mind to think it is okay to be with me but have lustful thoughts about another woman. He said he understands and will stop. I am not hard on him because I did have issues with lust and stuff like that but…I wanted it to stop on both parts. He did use it behind my back like three/four times which each time something happened he told me granted that I asked because something prompted me to. He apologized but I still found it to breach my trust. However, I could not penalize him because I also found it difficult so I guess both of us were terrible . He kept contact with an ex partner but, and not making excuses, it was nothing romantic. Because firstly he didn’t consider her a girlfriend but whatever things happened. She came to him for assistance with a job and he helped now I really don’t care in my book it he shouldn’t have been reachable. And before that she did wish him happy birthday on his finsta which he just said thanks and asked for advice with media because she does it. Again I read all the texts and I trust and know that nothing romantic…no cheating and when I confronted him he said he honestly didn’t see anything wrong at the time but he understands and he should have. And he texted and told her never contact him again. I forgot to say he isn’t a guy who is fearful of me searching his phone. I can and can do it in front of him and he doesn’t care. It’s the same thing for me. The first thing that went wrong and we argued about was him coming to me and saying he struggled with lustful thoughts. He doesn’t follow porn stars or anything but he did say that sometimes when he sees a woman he may have a quick thought which he will try to push away. I don’t tolerate that and almost left because of it. I try to be an understanding person and because I am the first real real and serious relationship that demands emotional maturity and all of that I decided to help because I understand persons struggle with thoughts. Again not making excuses. Next problem for me is in arguments he can get dismissive not rude no name calling but dismissive as in to say he wants to end the argument and he isn’t emotionally vulnerable like he says he won’t talk to anyone but if he did he would talk to me. Now if you knew him, you would know he really doesn’t talk about feelings but I do like a man that’s open with me and openly vulnerable but I can understand. He also says that he can’t show that he is truly obsessed with me before I show it and that came up when I told him that I don’t fully trust him because of all that has happened so I won’t show my love publicly because I don’t know if it will ever feel like an embarrassment. He also doesn’t listen to Andrew Tate but he listens like. He respects the things that aren’t toxic and when we argued about it he sent me videos which I had to agree with unfortunately 😂 like him basically saying a man should suffer for a woman’s happiness and put her happiness above his because he is a man.

Now I am not without fault. I can get really really disrespectful when I am angry so definitely not the best person but the question is…should I stay?

I forgot to mention that he doesn’t really reach out after an argument. I have to arrange the talks and stuff about the serious stuff for like 8/10 of our disagreements so I feel like I am more emotionally mature.