AITAH?

Welp. Here is the story. My first boyfriend and I were together about a decade ago. I still had his number and decided to reach out to him.

Why? I had been doing a lot of work in therapy. I remember being genuinely interested in his personality. He was comedic and self deprecating in a way that was quirky /endearing. We also had great sx chemistry imo. He stood out to me. My therapist has been encouraging me to date.

10 years ago I had severe anxious attachment and he was an avoidant. I broke up with him because of how lonely I felt in the relationship. I started remembering this as we chatted more… To this day I do not know if he knows why I broke up with him. I remember us both being really sad that night.

but it was 10 years ago riiiight? People change…. riiight?!

When we texted recently he was really sweet, saying he remembered me whenever he saw X,Y, Z. He wanted to know what my favorite part about us was. we talked a little about the past. Honestly he seemed happy I reached out at the time.

But he was also kind of negative on himself. He says things like he hopes I am doing better than him. He also takes days to respond to texts sometimes. I try to be patient, even though it stresses me out a little. Through a bit of internet stalking I then find out his mom passed away a few years ago… i cried when I found out.

Weeks go by.

We meet up. It’s a little awkward but we’re basically strangers after all. Me being slightly more securely attached now, I was pretty calm. When I was unhealthy I used to try to “work” for love and be hella anxious. Now i felt comfortable, kind, upbeat, and tried to be as authentic as possible.

So while meeting in person he had also gained a lot of weight and seemed to have some type of addiction he was ashamed of. I however am pretty healthy… I go to the gym a lot and take care of myself .He seems to be a little insecure about this but I of course didn’t mind the weight thing. We are 10 years older after all.

Overall on the date, I thought to myself “He’s not perfect, but I still enjoy his personality!”. His personality is what attracted me and it is what matters most to me.

He paid for everything and so when I got home, I thanked him over text and said I had a nice time— i thought it was just the polite thing to do. He didn’t say anything meaningful back.

48 hours later he texts me that he just wasn’t feeling a spark.

I wash shocked because it was so soon! I didn’t think hanging out once even warranted a rejection text.

I responded quickly, saying no worries, and that I thought he was a great person but I wasn’t sure about the spark either and wished him the best.

And it’s all true. I do wish him the best. but I think a spark needs time. I just wish maybe there could have been a chance for us to really connect..

Maybe this is karma for me breaking up with him first? lol. Is this the classic anxious and avoidant attachment dynamic?? Thoughts? I’m probably just going through the hurt of it all. 😅