English is not my native language, written with the help of a translator.

Me (23F). Let’s call my boyfriend Wilmer (M24), his brother Richard (M27), and Richard’s girlfriend, Sara (F25).

Today at around 1 p.m., I got a message from Sara saying she wanted to show me something but didn’t want Wilmer or Richard to find out. This message had been sent in a group chat that includes their mom and her three children.

She told me that Wilmer and Richard’s mom—our MIL—had said the following:

“Instead of cleaning that room, Wilmer goes and sleeps at someone else’s house.
The worst part is that those women they have don’t seem interested in tidying up or cleaning either. They look like twins.”

By “those women they have,” she meant Sara and me.

Now, their mom lives in another country, so I suspect Wilmer’s sister, Selena, might have twisted things around. But that’s beside the point.

I got really upset because she’s making these comments without any basis. My boyfriend’s mom came to our city in December and stayed for about a month and a half.

Normally, my boyfriend and I take turns every week staying at each other’s houses. But since he hadn’t seen his mom in six years, I spent most weekends at his place during her visit so he could spend time with her too.

Every time I stayed over, I helped her clean. I washed dishes, swept, mopped the floors, washed the mops, cleaned the patio like three times, helped her with cooking, and offered to help with whatever she was doing. I always washed my own dishes, made the bed I slept in, and my boyfriend also contributed to food expenses at his house. When we went to their countryside house (which is extremely hot), I helped out every day with cleaning and cooking.

I usually go to my boyfriend’s house every 15 days.

I also didn’t like how she referred to me in such a disrespectful tone. I honestly thought we got along and had started to build a good MIL-DIL relationship.

So I messaged her on WhatsApp and said:

"Hi Meredith, how are you? I hope you’re doing well.
Look, with all due respect, I don’t appreciate you making baseless statements about me not caring about cleanliness or hygiene.
First of all, we don’t live together, and we never will. You don’t know me.
And second, every time I stayed over at Wuesly’s house, I always offered to help you clean, and whenever I can, I also tidy up Wuesly’s room, etc.
So you can’t make statements like that without any foundation. Also, I don’t see why this even concerns you since you won’t be living with us if we get married.
But don’t worry, I do care about cleanliness.

Oh, and by the way—if Wilmer hasn’t told you—we have an agreement to take turns staying at each other’s place every week.
So he comes to my house every 15 days, and sometimes even during the week. He’s always welcome here, and he even called this his ‘SECOND HOME.’
My parents are happy when he visits. It’s not ‘someone else’s house’—according to Wilmer, it’s his second home."

I found out that Sara stayed with Richard at his mom’s house for about two weeks. I don’t know if she helped with cleaning or cooking, so I can’t really speak for her. Maybe my MIL included me in her message because of something Sara did during those two weeks.

I asked my boyfriend if he would defend me. He said yes, but I’m not sure I believe him. He also told me his mom was mostly talking about Sara and Richard. But clearly, I was included in that comment too, and I don’t think that’s fair. I think my boyfriend should set some boundaries.

Now he’s mad at me and says he can’t be in a relationship where he’s not allowed to visit or have a relationship with his mom.

AITAH for standing up for myself?

Edited: For those asking, she didn’t reply to the message — it’s early morning where she is. I saw she read it, but I don’t know if she’ll respond.