Context:

I (22F) have been dating my boyfriend (22M) for a while, and recently, we shared what was a very personal and intimate moment for me. We’ve had physical closeness before, but this time it felt different more emotionally vulnerable, and for me, it was the first time going further than we had before. It wasn’t just physical it meant something. It was a first, and one I felt emotionally open and trusting in. So he left early since he had some work to get to very understandable. But later no response ( he’s not a big text person but words of affirmation and texts are my main form of love and being seen )

I waited for some kind of message after even a sweet text. He did call later, briefly, but I couldn’t fully speak at the time and he said he’d call back… but he didn’t. Throughout the day, I had to keep initiating affection or checking in. I sent a small “I miss you” message, and even that was met with a slow, minimal response. When I finally shared how I felt, he apologized and was sweet, but it felt like his warmth only shows up after I point out that something’s off. This isn’t the first time I’ve felt this imbalance like I’m the one carrying the emotional weight. He’s not a bad person. I know he’s under a lot of pressure, and I do think he cares in his own way. But after something so emotionally intimate, I really just expected… presence. Affection. Follow-through.

I called out how that felt, gently and with maturity. But now I’m wondering… should I still include a part in my message appreciating him or acknowledging that I see what he does — even though this situation hurt me?

The thing is… he has, in the past, asked “What do you do for me?” or made it feel like I have to “prove” my care. So if I offer appreciation now, am I just enabling that dynamic? Or is it fair emotional balance?