Hello beautiful people!

Im looking for fellow sober pals advice. Curious of non-sober stance as well! Sorry for the long post but context is needed!

Me (30f) has been friends with a girl we will call "L" (29f) for about 10years. 5 years ago I made the choice to enter recovery as alcohol was negatively impacting my life. At first, L didn't take it serious and would offer me drinks and invite me out to bars. (In her defense, I said I was going sober many times in the past and ended up relapsing). I sat down and discussed that I was serious about it and that to stay friends she needed to be respectful of my sobriety.

Fast forward to year 4 of my sobriety (6 months before 5 years) and I received a called from her bf late at night on a work night. She was crashing out HARD. She was very intoxicated and had swollawed and unknown amount of pills. She tried to jump out of a window and when I arrived, she was actively self harming. This all took place a week after I had gotten out of the mental hospital myself for intense anxiety issues. (Basically for a med check). So I was already pretty stressed with my own issues. But, I would never let my issues stop me from helping someone. I had to wrestle the scissors out of her hand and once I got them I tried to inquire how many pills she had taken. I was unable to get a reasonable response so I told her bf I was taking her to the ER.

She stayed for one night and checked herself out the next day. She started meds for mental health and therpay. She stopped drinking. She told me she wasnt making promises that she would he sober forever but knew she needed to take a break and get her mental health in control.

She lasted 3 months sober. Told me she was drinking occasionally and keeping it in check. Now my own person stance is that she has an alcohol issue. She is a binge drinker (like I was) and I've always feared she will go back to old ways bc unfortunately that's how addictive minds work. We think we can control it...but as we know Alcohol is cunning and baffling.

After the whole ordeal, I set a strict boundary. I was originally going to decide to stop being friends as our views on substance differ significantly. But, the boundary i placed was that I did not want to be around her or talk to her if she was drinking.

Couple weeks ago(I months since the ER night) we went to a show with a couple friends and I looked over and she had gotten an alcohol beverage with one of our friends (they did not know I had this boundary with her). I didn't want to say anything there as I wanted everyone to have a good time. But then she had our friend ask me if I was mad. So I blew up, and told them yes. She eventually walked up and I looked at her and said why didn't you ask me yourself and of course im upset, its a boundary i placed and you crossed it.

We talked and kinda hashed it out a bit but im still feeling hurt.

A sober friend of mine told me its not okay to single someone out, that im either okay being around friends who drink, or im not.

We all know sobriety is not black and white. So I believe that because its aparent this friend has substance issues, its okay to have boundaries with that person. I'm okay being around people have drinks, just not being around drunk people.

AITA for telling my friend L that I won't be apart of their drinking life but still hang out with other people who have a few drinks? I don't want to have double standards but my other friends are healthy drinkers....aka don't use it as a crutch or binge on it.

It's hard to cut people out, so im trying to find a compromise that doesn't hurt my spiritual well-being.